Freedom Stinks: Crap Wrapped in a Pretty Box


Hello there guys and gals!  Welcome to the spot ~ and MY oh MY, is it the place to be!  You have just entered a zone where everything is everything and no holds are barred.  Welcome to the hills of Hottywood!

Let me begin by telling you that the world’s opinions aren’t based on that of one person or group of people, but by a compromise of a millions.  All ages, races, religions, and so forth.  And then there’s MY view.  You see, in the land of Hottywood, I am the voice of the people.  I am the subconscious that says what the mouth will never say in the “right” setting.  So now’s your chance to step into my world; a world that I share with all of you as we travel the imperfections and outright stupid missteps of our peers and loved ones.

Question to all of you who are still with me: Are we free?  I mean really free?  First, let’s define “Freedom” in its simplest form.   Freedom is exemption from power, necessity and control of another. It is liberty and independence.  It is immunity.  Therefore on paper we are free, provided we are not locked in a cage 30ft below the earth…or are we (…free, that is, not locked in a cage)? Government mandates not all choices are ours.  We cannot marry whomever we choose; we cannot smoke in most public places; and we cannot smash a glass vase in a random stranger’s face…TRUST ME on that.  But we CAN agree with government in “Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility,” …blah blah blah. You get where I’m going with this.

I say all this to say, freedom is a load of crap given to us wrapped in a pretty box.  You want to know what I think?  Tell folk what they want to hear. Do what you want to do, and don’t get caught.

Let me give you an example of what I mean.  My supervisor comes to me just about every morning and asks if I’m extremely busy.  Usually my answer is “yes”, totally thinking to myself that this old bag has to be out of her mind for not considering the fact that I have three official supervisors, approximately eight other Chiefs in the tribe, nine projects and four deadlines.  For some strange reason, I’m considered the “Go-to Guy” in the office.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to be needed and it’s great to know I’m great, but that’s not the point.  When I tell my supervisor that I am pretty busy, she asks something stupid like, “…do you want to get together for an after lunch meeting?”

This is what I’m talking about! I have a choice, but there is only one acceptable answer to the initial question, therefore limiting my choices.  What in tarnations would give my supervisor an inclination that I would want to A) meet with her and B) undoubtedly add more projects to my workload?

Let’s break this down into more, shall we?  If I say “no”, then I’m choosing to sign my name on the company exit form for not providing the outstanding service and “team work” required to fulfill the duties of my job.   If I really had a choice, I would be able to tell her to use my stapler to axe herself in the forehead five times before wobbling her fat ass out of my office. 

Q:  So you ask Mr. Hottywood, what’s a good way to let my boss know that I am busy and can’t afford to take on any additional projects?

A:  This can be tricky. Considering that your supervisor is most likely an ass and comes to you quite frequently with outlandish miracles to be performed in a matter of hours, go into that special file where you’ve been keeping all of their […ahem, accidentally missed] meetings and projects [that you never reminded them about] and slip one at the top of their inbox.   When they stumble upon a missed assignment or appointment, they’ll believe they’ve missed a deadline or important meeting and POOF!  They’re suddenly so distracted and distorted, they soon forget all about being a huge pain in your left but cheek. 

Just remember that there’s work to do on your part.  You have to make sure you withhold some important information or assignments to hold as leverage over their head.  If you never do anything else, DO follow their ass to cover your own.   

Thought for the Week:    Do what the hell you want and don’t get caught.

If you’ve paid close attention to the details of this entry, then by now you should feel free; exempted from power, necessity and control of others, and if you don’t, pick up the nearest brick and toss it into the window of the last restaurant that messed up your food order to feel a sense of stolen liberation…and run!  Don’t forget “don’t get caught.”

Now if there aren’t any questions, I’d like to say that I’m glad we could have this little chat.  I feel so privileged to be able to share my knowledge and wisdom with you. Thanks again for lending me your eyes and ears and I encourage you to stop by and visit me any time. My door is always open, except in the mornings before 11.  If you knock on my door or ring my phone that early, I’ll cut your ass! I will.

Until next time all my little skeezers and skeezettes, I must bid you a fond farewell and remember 90% of any effort is getting started!  

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