Socks and Sandals: Death to the Rise of this Fashion Faux Pas

Hello there guys and gals!  Welcome to the spot ~ and MY oh MY, is it the place to be!  You have just entered a zone where everything is everything and no holds are barred.  Welcome to the hills of Hottywood!



You’ve seen it on the streets, at the airport, in the park.  You may have even seen it at your family cookout.  No matter where you’ve seen it or who’s wearing it, socks and sandals are the enemy!  They should be destroyed with a live stick of dynamite, along with the feet they have the misfortune of being attached to.  Never, ever, in no way, shape, or form are socks and sandals a perfect match.  Pairing the two is like eating a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich.  One word describes this fashion faux pas – YUCK!

If I had a dime for every time I’ve seen a man make this catastrophic mistake, I’d be rubbing elbows with Donald Trump right about now. Alas, I seem to be the only person willing to damn the feet that dons this tasteless style. 

Pairing socks and sandals has been my pet peeve ever since I was old enough to wear shoes.  Even as an infant, I dared to raise my rattle to my mom’s forehead for even considering putting those strappy soles on my feet. Since then I haven’t, for the life of me, been able to figure out the logic behind this odd textile couple.  So I finally decided to do a little research, not for the fact of accepting this style, but for merely understanding it. After searching an endless amount of websites, I’ve discovered that although socks and sandals was once considered the ultimate menswear misstep, pairing the two has somehow been elevated to the status of ‘fashion trend’.  I can’t help but to ask, “What the hell? Why the hell? Who the hell?”

The socks-and-sandals trend is part of the larger nerd movement that goes back as early as the 1950s, when teens wore jeans with turned-up hems and horn-rimmed glasses.  In the decades since, the dork-as-fashion icon has surfaced periodically in men’s and women’s attire.  According to the experts, the movement reached its geeky zenith in the ’90s when members of the computer-savvy generation soared to financial success – creatively turning geek into chic.

For fashionistas, this odd coupling constitutes a particularly egregious type of male fashion crime and belongs in a category that includes flood pants, too-tight clothing, pinkie rings and fanny packs.  Oddly, a handful of truly directional fashion designers feel they have the clout to turn what’s considered by many to be a lapse in judgment into something that approaches avant garde.  My response to that, “…horse pucky!”

old_guy_with_socks_and_sandalsSocks and sandals are the devil and no one should be caught dead wearing them together.  In the many instances that I’ve seen this fiasco pound rocky pavement, I’ve secretly placed homing devices on the heel of the foot, attracting heat-seeking missiles, assuring a quick and painful amputation. Death!  Death, I say.  Death to the rise of this fashion blunder!  We as a people must stand tall and stand together to strike against celebrities like David Beckham and Jake Gyllenhaal, who have been photographed in sandals and socks. And although they have retained their sex symbol status, they have been judged harshly by style watchers and even better, targeted by me and my bazooka! 

No form of history or explanation can excuse any one person for touring the streets with a socked foot, covered with a strappy sole.  In fact, the only positive thing I can say about this style is that I’m thankful the sock covers the foot.  Why do I say that, you may wonder?  Because it is not uncommon for men [or women] to wear sandals that shows just how much crust and ash a human foot can collect.  The white, ashy heel of the foot is dangerous enough to be considered a lethal weapon, probably even more dangerous than my collection of samurai swords.  For the mere fact that I would rather pour bleach into my eyes than to see an unkempt foot, I am grateful in the slightest that people have enough respect and consideration to cover the bunions, corns, and crow’s feet that I feel so strongly should be completely replaced with wheels. 

In my saddened conclusion, not even my gripes, fierce dislikes or pure and just hatred can cease the rise of this blundering trend.  So be warned, not even the sudden burst of interest in socks and sandals on the runways of Europe gives regular Joes permission to engage with the look. Anyone considering it should approach with extreme caution or wash their brains out with Ajax!

Wearing socks and sandals is still the equivalent of pulling the waistband of your pants up to your armpits Urkel-style.  If you’re one of these people, don’t stop with the waistband at your armpits, continue to pull them over your head.  It’ll save you the embarrassment of seeing me clown you hard enough until you’re walking in your own puddle of tears.

Before I leave, I’m going to share this site with you so you can see for yourself just how many people have fallen into the trap that is socks and sandals. Watch it with careful eyes and please refrain from going out and massacring all who wear these two items at one time:

CAUTION, this may offend some and scare others:

As always boys and girls, I would like to thank you for stopping by and certainly encourage you to pay me a visit any time you wish.  Keep in mind that my door is always open, except in the mornings before 11.  If you knock on my door or ring my phone that early, I’ll cut your ass! I really will.

Until next time, my little Scandinavian poppy seeds!  I must bid you a fond farewell and remember 90% of any effort is getting started!   


Quote of the Week:    “Fashion fades. Style is forever.”

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