Top 20 Pet Peeves: ixNae the Annoying itShae

What is a pet peeve, you may wonder?  A pet peeve is a minor annoyance that can instill extreme frustration in an individual.   In other words, something so simple that it can irritate the sh*t out of you. 

Below are Hottywood’s TOP 20 PET PEEVES.  Beware.  If you’re caught in the hills of Hottywood violating anything on the pet peeves list, be prepared to get your ass kicked something good! 

HOTTYWOOD’S TOP 20 PET PEEVES:

Socks and Sandals. This is the devil.  If you wear socks and sandals, then your feet should be used as a target for an archery class. 

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Morning people.  Sometimes you just want to punch the hell out of them.

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When a smelly fat guy squeezes his fat ass into the only available seat next to you on the bus.  Jump out the window while the bus is still moving.  It’ll be painful, but a quick way to put you out of your misery.

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People who txt during a date. Karate chopping would be my first suggestion, otherwise let them know you’re just as bored with them as they are with you.  Pinch your nose tightly until you pass out from lack of oxygen.

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Not having enough quarters to do laundry. When in doubt, crawl inside the washing maching and dance on top of your clothes, creating your own soap suds. 

Trust me, it’s more fun if you do it this way.  Just make sure your feet are clean.  __________________________________________________________

People who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom.  I’m sure I’m not the only person who wishes that unsanitary person would punch himself in the face with his germ infested fist.  

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People who stink. Pee on them.  There’s no doubt they will take cleanliness a little more seriously after that.    

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People who drive below the speed limit.  I’ll tell you what; set their car on fire and make the slow mutha effer walk! 

Let’s see how long it takes ’em to get to their destination now

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People who ride their bikes in the middle of the street.  There’s only one way to settle the score. 

STRIKE!!! 

If this doesn’t work, nothing will.

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Anyone who says “Hammer Time” after they’ve heard the word “STOP.” 

They should be put to an end just like MC Hammer’s career. 

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Jerks who take up 2 parking spaces.  

Karma’s a bitch! 

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People that pop and smack their chewing gum.  Throw a lighted match on their hair. I promise you they’ll stop popping their gum.  

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Anyone who does this in public.  It’s just wrong on so many levels. 

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When you can’t tell if someone is male or female.  We get it already, you like to play dress up.  But come on, there is a such thing as too much. 

Is anyone else confused about her him – THIS??? 

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People who leave the door open when they go to the bathroom. If you know anyone who does this nasty sh*t, flush them down the damn toilet, please and thank you. 

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When you’re invited to a party with people you have never met, and the host doesn’t introduce you to anyone.  

Personally, I’d rather shoot myself in the foot.  Next time, stay home and count your hair follicles.   

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When someone with a full cart of groceries gets into the 10 items or less line. This basic rule of grocery store etiquette was covered in the Grocery Shopping Handbook for Dummies. 

A good karate kick to the back of the collar bone will put an end to this madness.    

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When someone leaves their phone number at the end of a long message and they say it so fast you can’t understand it and have to listen multiple times to figure it out. 

Don’t bother to listen.  Simply toss the phone into the nearest trash can and keep on moving.  If it isn’t Jesus calling, the message can’t be that important.   

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People who chew with their mouth open.  Chew on this! 

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Anyone who gets on an elevator and stares at another passenger for a while, then yells “You’re one of THEM!” and moves to the far corner of the elevator. 

…for obvious reasons. 

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So there you have it, people!  Hottywood’s Top 20 Pet Peeves.   Please don’t get caught with your tail between your legs attempting to violate any of the above mentioned crimes.  Because if someone catches you, they are liable to tie you to a tree and use you as “bazooka” practice!  And if Hottywood catches you…well let me just remind you that he likes sharp objects and things that go BOOM! 

If you are by chance an idiot who is guilty of anything listed above, then you’d better get off your ass and make some changes.  You can do it.  90% of any effort is getting started. 

 

Quote of the Week:     “I don’t have pet peeves.  I have whole kennels of irritation.”

Follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/mrhollywood.2009

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One thought on “Top 20 Pet Peeves: ixNae the Annoying itShae

  1. Pingback: pet peeves

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