Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
___________________________________________________________
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Everything you eat will taste like envelope glue.
___________________________________________________________
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Try not to sweat. The body odor you give off will smell like fish tank water.
___________________________________________________________
Pisces
February 19 – March 20
The next person who kisses you will have the breath of a doberman pinscher.
___________________________________________________________
Aries
March 21 – April 19
You will be the subject of a nasty rumor. You should be more concerned when no one cares enough to talk about you.
___________________________________________________________
Taurus
April 20 – May 20
Everyone around you will claim to smell cottage cheese. This should tell you something.
___________________________________________________________
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Prepare for an unforgettable experience. A bad itch will erupt at the worst possible moment imaginable.
___________________________________________________________
Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Everything you hear will at first sound as if you are chewing on a bag of tortilla chips.
___________________________________________________________
Leo
July 23 – August 22
A chance of mistaken identity will be your best shot at romance. Too bad you have to look like someone else to get a date.
___________________________________________________________
Virgo
August 23 – September 22
At 0800 hours on the very last day of the week, the only thing worth watching on TV will be on the all static channel.
___________________________________________________________
Libra September 23 – October 22
A pee-stained toilet pandemic will make all your trips to the bathroom very unpleasant.
___________________________________________________________
Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
The unshaven heels of your feet will ruin all of your bed linen.
___________________________________________________________
Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
I have two powerful words for you: PIGEON POOP! How you choose to use that power is up to you.
___________________________________________________________
Quote of the Week: “It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”
