Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of Jan. 10-16, 2010

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

___________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

Everything you eat will taste like envelope glue.

___________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Try not to sweat. The body odor you give off will smell like fish tank water.

___________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

The next person who kisses you will have the breath of a doberman pinscher. 

___________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19 

You will be the subject of a nasty rumor. You should be more concerned when no one cares enough to talk about you. 

___________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

Everyone around you will claim to smell cottage cheese. This should tell you something. 

___________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

Prepare for an unforgettable experience.  A bad itch will erupt at the worst possible moment imaginable.

___________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

Everything you hear will at first sound as if you are chewing on a bag of tortilla chips. 

___________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22 

A chance of mistaken identity will be your best shot at romance. Too bad you have to look like someone else to get a date.

___________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

At 0800 hours on the very last day of the week, the only thing worth watching on TV will be on the all static channel.  

___________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22 

A pee-stained toilet pandemic will make all your trips to the bathroom very unpleasant. 

___________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

The unshaven heels of your feet will ruin all of your bed linen. 

 ___________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

I have two powerful words for you: PIGEON POOP! How you choose to use that power is up to you.

___________________________________________________________

 

Quote of the Week:   “It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s