Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

Everything you eat will taste like envelope glue.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Try not to sweat. The body odor you give off will smell like fish tank water.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

The next person who kisses you will have the breath of a doberman pinscher. 

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Aries

March 21 – April 19 

You will be the subject of a nasty rumor. You should be more concerned when no one cares enough to talk about you. 

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

Everyone around you will claim to smell cottage cheese. This should tell you something. 

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

Prepare for an unforgettable experience.  A bad itch will erupt at the worst possible moment imaginable.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

Everything you hear will at first sound as if you are chewing on a bag of tortilla chips. 

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Leo

July 23 – August 22 

A chance of mistaken identity will be your best shot at romance. Too bad you have to look like someone else to get a date.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

At 0800 hours on the very last day of the week, the only thing worth watching on TV will be on the all static channel.  

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Libra

September 23 – October 22 

A pee-stained toilet pandemic will make all your trips to the bathroom very unpleasant. 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

The unshaven heels of your feet will ruin all of your bed linen. 

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

I have two powerful words for you: PIGEON POOP! How you choose to use that power is up to you.

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Quote of the Week:   “It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”