Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of Jan. 31 – Feb. 6, 2010

They say only time will tell what the future holds.  I say rubbish!  Hottywood can tell you that. 

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

This could be a make or break deal.  Either way, you attract more bees than flies to honey; so don’t trip.

___________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Someone’s going to tell you “You aren’t worth sh*t.”  Prove them wrong then give them an ultimatum: “Get with the program or duck!”

___________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

What you long for is an illusion.  The past is not as ideal as you remember, so stop living in it.  You don’t have what you once had for a reason. ___________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19 

Nothing will piss you off more than discovering there’s no sugar to go into your kool-aid. 

___________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

Alright, enough is enough.  You’ve done all you can.  It’s time to sit back and let someone else do all the work.  Take the credit when they’re done. 

___________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

You spend money like you poop on the toilet.  Make sure you can handle that sh*t, with your broke ass. 

___________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

You’re going to have a social gathering that no one will come to.  Relax.  You’ll be the life of the party.

___________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22 

People will love to hear anything you have to say just as long as you’re asleep. 

___________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

Follow the instincts you learned in the streets – especially in the vicinity of liquor stores, banks and strip clubs. 

…oh, and maybe church.  o_O

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Libra

September 23 – October 22 

If you’re bored, find comfort in knowing everyone is bored with you, too. 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

Someone insists on treating you like a child.  It’s time to get gully.  You may have to cut a biatch!

 ___________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

Watch your ego before your ass gets jumped in an alley by three one-eyed bandits with no home training. 

___________________________________________________________

 

Quote of the Week:   “Love at first sight is a result of too much to drink.”

 

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One thought on “Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of Jan. 31 – Feb. 6, 2010

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