They say only time will tell what the future holds. I say rubbish! Hottywood can tell you that.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
This could be a make or break deal. Either way, you attract more bees than flies to honey; so don’t trip.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Someone’s going to tell you “You aren’t worth sh*t.” Prove them wrong then give them an ultimatum: “Get with the program or duck!”
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
What you long for is an illusion. The past is not as ideal as you remember, so stop living in it. You don’t have what you once had for a reason. ___________________________________________________________
Aries
March 21 – April 19
Nothing will piss you off more than discovering there’s no sugar to go into your kool-aid.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
Alright, enough is enough. You’ve done all you can. It’s time to sit back and let someone else do all the work. Take the credit when they’re done.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
You spend money like you poop on the toilet. Make sure you can handle that sh*t, with your broke ass.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
You’re going to have a social gathering that no one will come to. Relax. You’ll be the life of the party.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
People will love to hear anything you have to say just as long as you’re asleep.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Follow the instincts you learned in the streets – especially in the vicinity of liquor stores, banks and strip clubs.
…oh, and maybe church.
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September 23 – October 22
If you’re bored, find comfort in knowing everyone is bored with you, too.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Someone insists on treating you like a child. It’s time to get gully. You may have to cut a biatch!
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Watch your ego before your ass gets jumped in an alley by three one-eyed bandits with no home training.
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Quote of the Week: “Love at first sight is a result of too much to drink.”
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