Tomorrow’s negative energy can be avoided if you use a little duck tape and a pack of Bubblicious gum! To avoid life’s deep potholes and puppy poops, get the answers today for tomorrow’s questions.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
___________________________________________________________
Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Trick-or-Treating on Halloween night is the only time begging is allowed.
___________________________________________________________
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
You’re going to look like an ass when you get caught doing the dumb sh*t you thought you got away with.
___________________________________________________________
Pisces
February 19 – March 20
When a situation becomes too sticky, rub up against everything like a cat. –Works every time.
___________________________________________________________
Aries
March 21 – April 19
If you still have aluminum foil on your TV antenna, you deserve not to have any friends.
___________________________________________________________
Taurus
April 20 – May 20
If you know you’re a lazy-ass when it comes to waking up in the morning, grease your body with motor oil before going to bed.
___________________________________________________________
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
You’re going to owe someone a big favor for keeping a secret you weren’t smart enough to keep yourself.
___________________________________________________________
Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Having a ‘Plan B’ is not necessary if you have a big voice and an even bigger stun gun.
___________________________________________________________
Leo
July 23 – August 22
Drinking kool-aid from a champagne glass does not make you classy.
___________________________________________________________
Virgo
August 23 – September 22
If you find a strange sense of fulfillment watching the laundry dryer spin, it may be time to re-evaluate some things.
___________________________________________________________
September 23 – October 22
You’re going to have good luck every day.
…except on any day that has 2 syllables in it.
___________________________________________________________
Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
You are going to enter a room every time someone ironically says, “…oh sh*t.”
___________________________________________________________
Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Receiving death threats in the mail is just karma’s funny little way of saying, “hello.”
___________________________________________________________
Quote of the Week: “Save your pennies like you save your life or save your life like you save your pennies.”