Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of Feb. 21-27, 2010

Tomorrow’s negative energy can be avoided if you use a little duck tape and a pack of Bubblicious gum!  To avoid life’s deep potholes and puppy poops, get the answers today for tomorrow’s questions.   

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

Trick-or-Treating on Halloween night is the only time begging is allowed. 

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

You’re going to look like an ass when you get caught doing the dumb sh*t you thought you got away with.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

When a situation becomes too sticky, rub up against everything like a cat.  –Works every time. 

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Aries

March 21 – April 19 

If you still have aluminum foil on your TV antenna, you deserve not to have any friends. 

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

If you know you’re a lazy-ass when it comes to waking up in the morning, grease your body with motor oil before going to bed. 

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

You’re going to owe someone a big favor for keeping a secret you weren’t smart enough to keep yourself. 

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

Having a ‘Plan B’ is not necessary if you have a big voice and an even bigger stun gun. 

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Leo

July 23 – August 22 

Drinking kool-aid from a champagne glass does not make you classy. 

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

If you find a strange sense of fulfillment watching the laundry dryer spin, it may be time to re-evaluate some things. 

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Libra

September 23 – October 22 

You’re going to have good luck every day. 

…except on any day that has 2 syllables in it. 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

You are going to enter a room every time someone ironically says, “…oh sh*t.” 

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

Receiving death threats in the mail is just karma’s funny little way of saying, “hello.” 

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Quote of the Week:    “Save your pennies like you save your life or save your life like you save your pennies.”

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One thought on “Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of Feb. 21-27, 2010

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