Welcome back neighbors of Hottywood! I hope you all reveled in fun and laughter as you played your April Fool’s pranks on your most gullable fools…I mean friends. Though you sought and received immense entertainment at the expense of many others, sadly you must keep in mind that no badly-tasted joke goes unpunished. ~ In, enters a bitch named Karma.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
You are dumber than people give you credit for.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Don’t let anyone underestimate your stupidity.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Reading is fundamental. You should be able to read more than a palm, you dummy. ___________________________________________________________
Aries
March 21 – April 19
Heaven will shine its blessings upon you in the form of potato chips.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
Your personal space is not big enough for you and your ego. That’s part of the reason why no one wants to be around you.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
The novelty of the saying, “Home Sweet Home” wears off when you’re too pooped to put out [for your room and board]. Earn your keep.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Try not to worry too much about everything that is going on around you. You are the bad luck that is contaminating the air. ___________________________________________________________
Leo
July 23 – August 22
Let someone else monopolize the conversation for a change, so you can hear the same sound of boredom everyone else hears when you speak.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Government cheese is a perk of public assistance, despite what you’ve been told. ___________________________________________________________
Libra September 23 – October 22
The same high-powered voice that says, “Come on down!” on the ‘Price is Right’ is the same voice that came up with the catch phrase, “…and let there be light.”
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
This will not be a good week for romance because that new fragrance you keep wearing smells like penguin sweat.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
A baseball bat, a lead pipe and a ransom note carries just as much weight as a 9-1-1- call.
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Quote of the Week: “To all imbeciles out there, “…being stupid is a choice.””
