Welcome back neighbors of Hottywood!  I hope you all reveled in fun and laughter as you played your April Fool’s pranks on your most gullable fools…I mean friends.  Though you sought and received immense entertainment at the expense of many others, sadly you must keep in mind that no badly-tasted joke goes unpunished.  ~ In, enters a bitch named Karma.

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

You are dumber than people give you credit for. 

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Don’t let anyone underestimate your stupidity. 

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

Reading is fundamental.  You should be able to read more than a palm, you dummy. ___________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19 

Heaven will shine its blessings upon you in the form of potato chips. 

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

Your personal space is not big enough for you and your ego.  That’s part of the reason why no one wants to be around you. 

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

The novelty of the saying, “Home Sweet Home” wears off when you’re too pooped to put out [for your room and board].  Earn your keep. 

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

Try not to worry too much about everything that is going on around you.  You are the bad luck that is contaminating the air.  ___________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22 

Let someone else monopolize the conversation for a change, so you can hear the same sound of boredom everyone else hears when you speak. 

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

Government cheese is a perk of public assistance, despite what you’ve been told.  ___________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22 

The same high-powered voice that says, “Come on down!” on the ‘Price is Right’ is the same voice that came up with the catch phrase, “…and let there be light.” 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

This will not be a good week for romance because that new fragrance you keep wearing smells like penguin sweat. 

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

A baseball bat, a lead pipe and a ransom note carries just as much weight as a 9-1-1- call. 

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Quote of the Week:     “To all imbeciles out there,  “…being stupid is a choice.””