If looks could kill, you wouldn’t have anything to worry about. However there are many other catastrophic things that could happen to you this week if you aren’t prepared with the wisdom of Hottywood Helps.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
There’s only one thing that separates you from that jerk no one can stand – your name!
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but when it comes to your breath, the only person you’re fooling is yourself.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
The wind beneath your wings is nothing but gas.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
You don’t have to wonder if everyone is talking about you behind your back. They are.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
It’s time for you to see yourself as the asshole everyone else sees you as.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
No one can stomach the lies you’re pulling out of your ass.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
This week, people will wonder how is it that you have such a big head and nothing ever on your mind.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
There are many reasons to tie someone’s shoe strings together before throwing them into traffic.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
You’ve tried patience. You’ve tried understanding. You’ve even tried silence. Now it’s time to try threats and bribery.
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September 23 – October 22
If someone tells you they need space, take it as a compliment. You aren’t that fun to be around.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
To some, you are playful, cute and cuddly – just like a chiwahwah. Luckily you have a face to match.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Stepping out of the norm will cause people to applaud your decision to bathe.
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Quote of the Week: “Pushing someone down a flight of stairs can be considered exercise for both parties.”
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