Are you tired of people laughing at you behind your back without your knowing what the hell is so funny? Then you’ve come to the right place. I’ll be glad to tell you why the joke’s on you!
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Surround yourself with people who are dumber than you in order to appear smarter. Good luck with that.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
When the IRS comes knocking at your door, it’ll be smart to have rubber glued to your ass so you can bounce like all your checks.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Sometimes it’s necessary to be wrong for all the right reasons – even if punching is involved.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
The only use you will provide this week will be to keep a coffee table from wobbling.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
Belching is the only time you seem to make sense.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
You can work wonders with a pair of tube socks, a paper clip and a roll of toilet paper. Know your limitations.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
That restless feeling you’ve been going through lately is just your body telling you it’s time to stop acting like a complete bitch.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
One fatal question will plague your mind this week: “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?”
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Farting a hole in your underwear will be the highlight of your week.
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Libra September 23 – October 22
If you want something done right, pay someone smarter to do it.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Turn the heat up on your relationship by upping the temperature on your thermostat.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
You might as well laugh at yourself since everyone else is laughing at you. Follow the trend.
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Quote of the Week: “Don’t let silence be the last thing you say.”
