We’ve done it! We’ve finally arrived to the 100th BLOG thanks to your readership and support! Hottywood Helps has braved the winter storms, the thunderous showers and the blazing heat to bring you the best of the worst!
So what have we learned in those 100 blogs? First and foremost we’ve learned that humor is the icing on a poorly baked cake! That’s for damn sure. And there’s nothing like some good ass cake icing. Anybody who’s anybody knows that. We’ve also learned how to get out of a bad relationship in the most worst and tactless way. And then there’s the office booby traps. No office would be complete without one idiot in it who needs to be bubble-gummed to his seat every now and again. We’ve learned how to say “no”, how to fall asleep at work without getting caught and that farting is indeed a skill that most people underestimate.
Let’s review a short list of other things we’ve discovered over the last 100 blogs:
- Aim high, hit low and always duck when sh*t is thrown at you. Because no one likes to be covered in sh*t.
- No one’s opinion should matter if you’re secure in your own.
- Stupid people need love too, just not necessarily from you.
- Sometimes the best advice you can offer is to leave the damn room.
- Surround yourself with people smarter than you so you can appear to be less dumb.
- Don’t wear socks and sandals if you don’t want burning arrows shot at your feet.
- Not all bed linen can withstand the sharpness of unclipped toenails and ashy foot heels.
- Stalkers [people who are hard up for your emotions] are perfect for target practice.
- Don’t f*ck with a man after he’s eaten.
- Although your crap rarely changes (unless you eat a lot of corn), you can always sh*t in a pretty box.
- You have a responsibility to tell people to shut the hell up!
- People who have 15 items in a 10-item express lane should watch out for speeding cars in parking lots.
- Morning breath is bad if you have it all day long.
- If you can’t control your bad ass kids in public then you should seal your legs shut with a tub of Elmer’s glue and simply not reproduce.
- There are only 3 words on Earth that could possibly explain it all: “Damn! Damn! Damn!”
- “We appreciate u,” is just office talk for “I hope you’re gullible enough to buy the bullsh*t we’re feeding you so we don’t have to pay you more money.”
- Absence makes the heart grow fonder – fonder of you being GONE.
- One can always tell the type of sh*t you’re into by the stinky trail you leave behind.
- There is a difference between asking someone how they’re doing and actually caring.
- You know the summer is over when your ‘ex’ wants to get back with you.
- Chase dreams not people.
- You can’t use an EBT card to make an online purchase.
- What you settle for is what you get.
- If have nothing nice to say, tell Hottywood and let him say it for you.
- 90% of any effort is getting started.
This journey wouldn’t have been complete without your harmonious laughter, your hate mail, your stalking me from around dark corners or your black on black cars parked outside of my house in the dead of night. It wouldn’t have been the same if you hadn’t challenged my opinions and run off into the sunset with your tails caught between your legs when I told you to mind your mutha-effin’ business! And I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t invite you to take another journey down a bumpy road of insults, instigations and allegations for another 100 blogs.
Hottywood Helps thanks you once again. Thanks for being just as silly as I am to read the sh*t that I write. I’m probably more impressed that there are people left in this world who still actually read. Meanwhile, we gotta give props to all the pretty pictures in books!
I love all you skanks and skankettes and I can’t wait to see what other havoc we can wreak together.