Earthlings, I call to your attention the underappreciated as well as the under-rated fact that we have crept our way through the first half of 2010.  Not surprisingly we have yet to fly to work in Nissan model hovercrafts or teleport our way out of a lie-gone-wrong with a mere push of a button.  

What we have been blessed to experience is the newest line of pet peeves, brought all the way to us from our very own local communities.  Men and women across the nation have managed to raise the bar when it comes to matters of diverse annoyances, laughter and awkward silence.  

If you ever wanted to smack someone in the forehead for something you thought could never bother you, hold off on that idea for a sec and check out Hottywood’s 1/2 year review of the 20 top pets peeves of 2010, so far.   You may find out you’re not the only person who’d be willing to face a misdemeanor charge for someone else’s dumb way of thinking.

Let’s begin, shall we? 

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People who beg for money at the gas station.  Getting on someone’s nerves in a vicinity where there’s a never-ending supply of flammable fluids is never a good idea. 

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When you go out with people and all they do is talk on their cell phone like you’re not even there.  There is no more appropriate moment for an “EJECT” button. 

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People who always complain.  Remind me to study a book of world languages so I’ll be sure no one can have an excuse for not understanding my one dying wish for them to shut the hell up! 

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Waking up to find a boot on your car.  Fingernail files and vaseline don’t really work.  The boot might as as well be on your foot.  Where the hell do you think you’re going with no car? 

You’d better have some good ass friends or a lot of bus tokens. 

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Hang nails.  Worst…hang nails on your toes.  Why not just get stung in your scalp by a swarm of mating bees?  It would be less painful. 

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These young guys walking around showing their dingy underwear.  Seriously, what the hell is that all about?  A wild coyote is gonna  jump out and chase their ass and they’re not going to be able to run because their pants will be tangled around their ankles. 

Not only is this a hygienic concern, there are safety matters to consider.

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People who are always right.  You know you’re wrong for that, don’t you?  The only thing they can do right is get away. 

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Uncle Bernie.  For obvious reasons. 

Underneath all that fur on his face, and the gang-related tattoos, and the wreak of alcohol, and the open wind he calls home — except on Sundays when he comes over to freeload for dinner — he’s a really good guy. 

He’s also single, ladies.

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Females who are way too desperate.  You’re single for a reason, skank. 

Ladies, don’t try this at home unless you have $.99 following your asking price. 

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Coworkers who don’t know a damn thing about computers.   Luckily for you, since creators made this thing called ‘StupidaMouse’, there’s no reason to break all your fingers with a dry-rotted mallot.  This is truly your lucky day!

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When your tank accidentally falls into a ditch.  I hate when that happens. 

“…somehow, I don’t think this will be a reasonable excuse for showing up late to work.”

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When your best friend has thrown you under the bus.   When it comes to karma and payback…

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

… it’s always better to deal with the devil you know than the devil you don’t. 

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When some stupid person gets a really stupid tattoo in the most stupid place on his/her body.  “What the hell were you thinking?”  “Who wants to see that?”  “Were you high?” 

There are a series of questions that come along with this act — beginning with a major concern for one’s self-identification.  #CooCooCooCoo

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Bad ass kids.  I don’t even think a supporting statement is needed for this one. 

We all know those little monsters when we see ’em. 

The secret is to pinch them when no one’s looking.  …so I’ve been told, of course.

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When your coworker takes a sh*t in the john just before you walk in.  This is the devil at work, himself! 

The next time you experience this catastrophic event, run for the hills with your hands waving in the air!  Save yourself!  Red Alert!  Code Red!  S.O.S!  And if you really want to get the upper hand — time their ‘movement’ schedule.  Get into the stall moments before they do, release a family of baby snapping turtles in the commode and flee the scene.  When they sit their stinky ass on the pot…

[Enter your imagination here]

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Women who won’t keep their hair done.  This is probably the first reason why all of your relationships fail.  It’s unattractive and lazy and no one in their right mind wants to be seen with you.  

And I mean that in the most sincere way…

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The mean old lady at work that everyone thinks is soooooo nice but in actuality she’s a spawn of satan.  

Give it up, grandma!  The jig is up. 

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Staff meetings.  C’mon.  Admit it.  You know you’d rather eat a rusted-nail flavored ice cream cone instead. 

How about, “wake me when it’s over,”?

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When someone has brocolli stuck in their teeth.  Though it’s incredibly humorous to see some disgusting piece of greenery hanging in between your teeth, it’s very gross. 

…no, really.  It is. 

Seriously. 

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Number (#)2 Pencils.  Because I’ve still never seen nor know the difference between numbers 1 and 3. 

Am I missing something? 

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So there you have it my peeps!  Hottywood’s top 20 pet peeves for 2010, so far.  Something about these faux pas makes my skin crawl.  And when that happens I just want to load a back-pack full of sunflower seeds and go all ‘drive-by’ on everyone. 

Listen folks, it doesn’t take that much to get your head out of your ass.  For the most part you know what’s hot and what’s not.  And if you don’t, learning the difference is easy.  Getting started is the hard part.  But the good news is 90% of any effort is getting started.   

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Quote of the week:    “Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.”