If there’s one thing you should know it’s in what direction your luck may go. Whether left or right or right or wrong, in stinky bloomers or uncomfortable thongs. The week begins with a fall of rain and all weekend fun is now down the drain. You may be surprised at what comes your way but with a little help you can play it safe. If you remember one thing and nothing else, never forget that Hottywood Helps!
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
No amount of heat will be enough to get the wrinkles out of any of your shirts. Carry a paper cup for spare change, you bum.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
For seven days, you will either be profusely sweaty or profusely gassy.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
You might be in control over your own destiny, but you have no control over a shady bitch named Karma.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Carrying a rabbit’s foot may be lucky for you as long as you don’t pay attention to the fact that you’re carrying the luck of that poor dead legless bunny.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
You will stutter and spit every time a pigeon flaps its wings.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
People will only understand you if you speak in “baby talk.” Babies will just look at you like you’re stupid.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Bathing in boiled potato water just may change the outcome of your day. The question remains, “For better or for worse?”
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
A great hooker once said, “You have to give in order to get.”
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Having multiple personalities will come in handy when you drive in the HOV lane during rush hour.
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September 23 – October 22
By complete accident, you will ask one too many questions and receive a priceless punch in the lower lip area.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
One of your greatest strengths is being the only one not invited to any parties.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
If someone tells you you’re the spitting image of Tevin Campbell, they’re not complimenting you.
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Quote of the Week: “There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
yeah my dad will like this
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