Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of October 3-9, 2010

Handle your problems and handle with care in comfort in knowing Hottywood will be there; standing close by to answer your call when your luck for the better takes a clumsy fall. 

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

Watch your back.  You will be bombarded with hate mail from people to whom you owe money.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Unibrows are making a comeback. 

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

This is a good week for setting mouse traps while wearing open-toed shoes.  Especially if you have ugly feet. 

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Aries

March 21 – April 19 

The truth shall set you free.  Be honest with someone even if it means lying to them.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

There’s no reason to argue with anyone as long as you believe you’re right.  Anything beyond that is a waste of time.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

Settle any problem with a pair of inflatable boxing gloves.   Insert visual [–>HERE<–].

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

Today is a good day to start a new habit.  End every sentence and question with the word, “Dammit.” 

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Leo

July 23 – August 22 

Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean no one’s out to get you.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

Looking for love in all the wrong places may be wrong, but it sure is fun.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22 

Don’t trust a woman with hair on her breasts.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

Take pictures of yourself during an office staff meeting.  Wardrobe changes add a dramatic effect. 

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

It’s time to play a little game.  Stand really close to people and sniff them sporadically.  Try to guess what kind of deotorant they’re wearing.

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Quote of the Week:   “After the game is over, the king and the pawn still go into the same box.” 

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