Well kats and kittens, we’re back with our second half-year review of the Top Pet Peeves of 2010. When last we met, we ranked the highest pet peeves for the 10th chapter of the new millennium, and boy was it a doozy! [For those of you who skipped class that day, here’s what you missed – Hottywood’s 1/2 Year Review of the 20 Top Pets Peeves of 2010…So Far].
It should come as no surprise that the idiots of our polluted world have managed to top themselves with yet more of the most annoying things they could possibly think of. And yours truly has taken the initiative to come forward and put those very same idiots on full blast. Why? The answer is simple. Because I don’t give a… Well, I think you get the idea.
So sit back, relax and see if we share views on the exasperating sh*t that people can come up with.
People who start off every sentence with, “I.”
Call me crazy, but people who are so wrapped up in the boringness (if that’s even a word outside of the Ebonics dictionary) of themselves should be cast over the side of a short plank, hovering over a sea of man-devouring jelly fish.
And that’s putting it mildly.
People who look like their pets.
I know I’m not the only one who has witnessed the circus freak who looks like a dog — I mean like their dog. They say when you spend so much time with someone, you begin to look alike.
People whose greatest accomplishment is calculating the number of bed mates they’ve had in the past 6 months.
Generally, folks who brag about their sex lives are usually not getting any at all. That’s what makes them so damn funny. They’re not lying to anyone but themselves.
The joke’s on you, skank!
Lazy people who want you to wait on them hand and foot instead of finding some useful purpose for their existence other than taking up oxygen.
Sometimes you just want to take those cupcakes and shove ’em right up their ass!
Celebrities who spend half their lives trying to be famous and then hide behind dark sunglasses to keep from being noticed.
As soon as their bright star fades, they’ll be doing some ridiculous thing to get attention again. And our dumb asses are waiting to see what they do next.
People who fart at the dinner table.
Seriously, what disgusting ill-mannered moron wouldn’t have the decency to pack a travel-kit air freshener when having an attack of a gassy ass?
People who don’t tell you your fly is open.
These are just mean and nasty bastards who are secretly trying to get a good look at your family jewels without being sued for sexual harassment.
However in a perfect world, a gigalo might not mind this slick act of hornismness.
That’s right. I said it. Now whatchu gon do about it, sucka!?
People who are consumed by their cell phones.
It’s because of people like you that Oprah is enforcing this NO PHONE ZONE bullsh*t. As far as we know, you’re probably just calling the weather only to make yourself look more important than you’re actually not. You’re not fooling anybody.
People who can’t lie right.
When you break out into a sweat, your eye starts twitching and you can’t keep still, chances are you’re lying and everyone around you can see it.
P.S., nobody wants a bad liar on their side. It’s like being picked last for kickball.
“A good liar is a better ally than an enemy. A bad liar is good for nothing.”
Words to live by.
People who sniff underarms only on Thursdays.
…for obvious reasons, of course.
This gives new meaning to the phrase, “I smell a rat.”
Lindsay Lohan. …again, for obvious reasons.
If I’m not mistaken, old Fire Crotch made her way onto our Top Pet Peeves List during the 1st half of the year. Why can’t this winch get her life together? Does she know how many other starving addicts would kill to have her celebrity? Sometimes you just can’t help but to hate people who abuse a good thing.
(She wasn’t worth enlarging the picture.)
People who think showing their fat rolls is cute.
If you don’t sit your fat ass down and cover up with a beach blanket, you better.
Look, I’m not knocking big people and those who love them, but there’s no reason for you to blind us with the sight of cellulite and twinkie rolls. Have a little respect for those folks who actually want to keep their lunch down.
Now excuse me while I go puke.
Church ladies with those annoyingly big ass hats.
If your church ladies are anything like mine with their outrageously big hats, you’ll learn that carrying BB guns will come in handy so you can shoot holes inside the hat in order to see what’s happening at the pulpit when the preacher is preaching or when one of the awful choirs are murdering a church selection. But like a good Christian, you’ll put your hand over your heart, lie, and pretend like nothing’s getting on your mofo nerves. And then you’ll go home and talk maliciously about that big ass hat and how it probably didn’t match a damn thing the ol’ church lady was wearing, anyway.
Supervisors who are no more skilled than the office mail clerk.
Fortunately I’m lucky enough to have some good supervisors, but believe me when I say I’m one of the few lucky ones. For all of you who are not me, this one’s for you!
Fast food drive-thru attendants who make you pull over to the side to wait for your food.
Instead of pulling to the side, pull your car through the front of the restaurant’s window.
I bet next time they’ll serve you in 60 seconds or less.
People who lie to your face and then will turn around and stab you in the back.
I have only one thing to say to you:
“KARMA’S A BITCH!”
Pedestrians who ride their bikes in the street.
<— Look at this picture and tell me that pictures aren’t worth a thousand words.
BEEP BEEP Motherfu****!
People who pee in gas tanks and don’t post it on YouTube.
Aw c’mon, you know this is funny as hell and should be shared with all of the world.
As as long as some old geezer isn’t pissing inside your gas tank, what should you care?_________________________________________________________
I guess there’s no need to reiterate that people are more than capable of coming up with some pretty unbelieveable sh*t. But if you really think about it, without the stupidity of others, we wouldn’t have much to talk about at the water cooler.
Look, it doesn’t take that much effort to keep your simple crap to yourself. But it also doesn’t take that much effort to find out what simple crap you’re hiding. After all, 90% of any effort is getting started, no matter what side of the fence you fall on.
Quote of the week: “Thank your parents for making it possible. Thank your children for making it necessary.”