If there were ever a day to feel like crap, today would be it. Things won’t go the way you plan and bullsh*t is imminent. You may even lose a piece of yourself. That’s just the way life goes. But you’re not the only one down in the dumps. Trust me. Hottywood knows.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
Take heed. Knowledge is power.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Some say its good luck when the bottom of your right foot itches. In actuality you just need to wash your feet.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Never let your right hand know what your left hand is doing; because you’ll look really silly talking to your hands.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
“A penny for your thoughts,” is just somebody’s way of telling you that your opinion isn’t worth two cents.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
If you spend all your time waiting for someone who may never come, you will be featured in the National Inquirer for being able to communicate with a house full of cats.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
Be the first one picked last so the creek can rise on all those who tries to cross before you. There is power in patience.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
A blind date will steal your stereo.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Silence isn’t golden if it turns your skin green.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
The only way you’ll be able to hold on to your youth is if you can speak to it thru a jouji board. Let it go.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
You will be the center of attention and it will have everything to do with the hole in your pants.
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Libra September 23 – October 22
Sit in a dark room and smoke one pack of cigarettes for every lie you’ve told within the last seven days. That ought to teach you a lesson.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Be careful not to drown in the sewage of what other people think about you. You’ll be consumed enough with what you think about yourself.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
- Your week consists of self-absorbed neurotic rants, stupid questions and awkward silence. And that’s before you finish your telephone conversation with mom.
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Quote of the Week: “Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”
