Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of January 16-22, 2011

Today is a very special day as we celebrate Dr. Martin Luther King’s birthday.  Your bad luck may be limited, but not for long.  I’m not always right but I’m never wrong.  So grab your favorite pair of tap shoes because ill luck may not strike yet but it’s still dancing all around you. 

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes, as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.   

Take heed.  Knowledge is power.

___________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19 

Beware of a one-eyed beetle landing in your bowl of soup on a day colder than your ex-lover’s attitude. _______________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

All of your deotorant will smell like a bad batch of Summer’s Eve.

 ___________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20   

Giant moth balls will attack the armpits of all of your most worn shirts.  Fashion is the enemy. 

___________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19 

People are more interested in the things you don’t say because those are the things that make the most sense.

___________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20 

The crown of your head may get caught in the sunroof of a car.  Joining a hair club may not be such a bad idea.

___________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20 

Just pretend that dumb look on your face is a temporary thing.

___________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22 

Laugh, and the world laughs w/ you.  Cry and everyone will just talk about how ugly your face looks when you’re not laughing.

___________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22 

High-5 three people and call them ‘pond scum’ at the top of mid day, when ur attitude problem has reached its highest peak.

___________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22 

You will be stuck in a conversation with a person that doesn’t have enough of a sense of humor to accept that their forehead is the size of a dolphin’s.

___________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22 

A person who sees no value in a double-sided coin is neither stupid nor smart.

___________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21 

When it comes to gas, it’s better to let it out and be ashamed than to hold it back and bust a vein.

 ___________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21   

There’s an old saying that makes a hell of a lot of sense: “if you mess with trash, it’ll get all over you.”  ___________________________________________________________

Quote of the Week:   “Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.”

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