Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of March 6-12, 2011

Some games may seem impossible to win but proving that theory wrong is the best prize to win.  Good luck or bad; it’s a toss of a coin.  The fun part is winning.  The hard part is not knowing.  Lucky for you Hottywood Helps!

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

People are laughing at you because you look as if you have the same hairdresser as Amy Winehouse. 

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

You can learn a lot by making an accidental mistake on purpose. 

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

All teacher’s pets may sit at the head of the class; but all dogs hide their old bones.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

The only thing that compares to the feeling of a first kiss for the second time is belching after drinking a Pepsi.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

A broken promise will always open a can of worms no bird wants to eat. 

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Underarm hair contributes greatly to sweating.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Today may not seem easy but it is not without purpose. 

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

Sometimes “nothing” is the best answer for something.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

All bars are not made with the same metal.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Congratulations!  You are a contest winner.  Your prize is a lifetime supply of the one thing that you’re allergic to. 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Anger comes from frustrated expectations. 

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Your week is summed up in two words: “Elevator music.”

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Quote of the week:  “Eighty-nine percent (89%) of great decisions are made in the bathroom.”

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