Roses are red; violets are blue. When sh*t hits the fan, what will you do? You Ask Hottywood of course!
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Two ducks will jump one chicken five days after the third of next month and it will be all your fault.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Sometimes it takes an old school trick to beat a new school tactic.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Growing old does not constitute growing up.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Everyone has a colorful past but they only show you what they want you to see in black and white.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
A shower to a stinky man is like the piss of angels.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
The most dangerous thing in this world is a smart ignorant man.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
If you’re not sure who did the cooking, don’t eat the food.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
A polished toe still gets dirty when it lands in a puddle of mud.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
You can’t come out clean as a whistle without going through some mess.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
A smelly butt stinks beneath the facade of clean underwear.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
When good people do nothing evil always win.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Common sense is not a universal language.
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Quote of the week: “Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.”
