Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of March 13-19, 2011

Roses are red; violets are blue.  When sh*t hits the fan, what will you do?  You Ask Hottywood of course! 

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Two ducks will jump one chicken five days after the third of next month and it will be all your fault. 

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Sometimes it takes an old school trick to beat a new school tactic. 

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Growing old does not constitute growing up.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

Everyone has a colorful past but they only show you what they want you to see in black and white.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

A shower to a stinky man is like the piss of angels. 

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

The most dangerous thing in this world is a smart ignorant man.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

If you’re not sure who did the cooking, don’t eat the food. 

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

A polished toe still gets dirty when it lands in a puddle of mud.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

You can’t come out clean as a whistle without going through some mess.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

A smelly butt stinks beneath the facade of clean underwear. 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

When good people do nothing evil always win.  

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Common sense is not a universal language.

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Quote of the week:  “Sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven.”

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