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I have known this guy for a very long time. We met and had a few encounters that were wonderful for me and I hope for him, too.
Over the years we have remained friends and I have grown to really love him as a friend. The only thing is that when I think of him, I want to be more to him than a friend. He is a very busy guy and is so intelligent, which is one of the reasons I love him so, but he never seems to except any of my invitations to chill together. I want to keep letting him know that I’m interested but I don’t want to become a borderline stalker, if I haven’t already.
Please help…..How do I get a guy’s attention that carries the weight of the world on his shoulders???????????
Desperately Seeking “The One”
Dear Desperately Seeking “The One,”
This question is a little tricky. In fact, it’s down right simply complicated. [Don’t you hate when people say that? “Complicated.”]
What the hell does that mean?
If you’re trying to get anyone’s attention, you’re trying too hard. Relationships and people are natural so you must be careful when placing labels on any intentions. Intentions only add weight to the scale.
My heart-felt advice for treading on the ice of love is to relax, be yourself and let nature do its thing! Things have their way of working out in their own way and time. But if you insist on placing any [or every] thing on the line, remember two things: (1) Before you speak, think. (2) Before you leap, look.
When it comes to matters of the heart, it’s a throw of the dice.
Now in a perfect world I’d tell you that there is no power greater than the connection of people; but lucky for you we aren’t living in a perfect world this week. So against my better judgement, if you must take the wheel and steer the car, there’s a short cut you can take to reach your destination. The road however is not as easily traveled as you may think.
Come a little closer. I don’t want you to miss anything. BE WARNED: People and relationships are natural, which means they are by nature fickle.
Here we go!
Everyone has walls. Your objective is to break down those walls. The first thing you gotta do is get into his head. What does he like? What do you like? Find your common ground and build on that.
Meet in a public setting and just talk. Let him do all the talking. You just listen. Maybe a few, “…mmm hmm’s,” and “…uh huh’s,” here and there, but actually listen, uninterrupted. Give him a chance to relax and become comfortable. If you listen closely enough, he’ll give you your clue to the next move in the game.
It all begins with finding that common ground I mentioned earlier. Be cool and strategically patient. When you’ve found that soft spot, you’ve found your “in!” CAUTION: Don’t let your intentions [here’s that word again] get the best of you.
Remember, every train must blow a little steam before the engine cools; and all tracks aren’t as smooth as you think. But once the smoke clears, this is your flashing yellow light to make your move!
On the real, you must keep in mind that if you’ve known this guy for some years, then you probably don’t need to overdo anything. Sudden change in behavior can get a little weird. However, if it’s even in your mind that you might be doing too much [now], then it’s safe and wiser to lighten up a little.
FLASHBACK: …Intentions; …Labels.
You’re through all the red tape of having to impress each other. That’s a whole bunch of “blah blah blah.” It’s all about strategic, patient manipulation.
[CODE RED: “Manipulation,” “People,” and “Relationships,” should never be used in the same sentence…]
The formula is simple but when you pull all the letters and numbers off the page, you’re on your own!
I’ve advised you. I’ve warned you. And I’ve given you the answer you really wanted to hear. The rest is up to you. Love, Fate, and Luck are some baaaad mamma jammas and you gotta be careful when you mess with them. “Few men walk away from battles without scars.” Things can go either way. The fun part is trying. Have fun. Good luck. And don’t hurt nobody!
Check back in and lemme know if you need me to preside over the wedding. I promise it’ll be a sermon you’ll never forget!