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After dating for almost two years, my ex-boyfriend and I have broken up. I haven’t heard from him in about six months, until recently, when he called me to tell me he had a new girlfriend. Do I have a right to be mad? …because I am!
Broken Hearted Brick Thrower
Dear Broken Hearted Brick Thrower,
I really wish I could take your side here, but sadly I can not. Though I sympathize with your broken heart, I am compelled to ask you exactly what it is you’re mad about. You couldn’t be mad at him (or at least you shouldn’t be) considering the breakup was half a year ago.
People date. They love. They break up. They lose and they heal. It’s a part of life. Failed relationships are nothing but a stepping stone to an ultimate [Earthly] relationship.
If you put your life on hold because some man chose another over you, then the only person you should be mad at is yourself for not giving you more credit than you deserve. While you’re sitting at home cutting out paper voodoo dolls, your ex is having the time of his life with his new bun, not worrying about you or what you’re doing. So he’s winning a battle he doesn’t even know he’s fighting. If you harbor any negative feelings towards him at all, they aren’t anger-related. What you’re feeling is jealousy. You’re jealous because he didn’t want what you wanted at the same time you wanted it. You’re jealous because he found someone more compatible with him. And you’re jealous because he’s happy and you’re not. You need to take a little time for yourself and stop consuming your thoughts with someone who doesn’t want you.
I never really understood why people felt a need to call their exes to tell, explain, gloat, or whatever you choose call it, that they are in a new relationship. I have not yet found a logical explanation except that they want you to be jealous. Though it’s not acceptable, it is common. It’s also very stupid because he should be focusing on the new instead of the old. [REAL TALK: So should you.] If in fact, making you jealous is what he was trying to do when he called you, then you shouldn’t play into his trap.
If you haven’t already given him a reaction, when he calls you again (and he will call you again), do one of two things: (1) wish him much success in his new relationship; or (2) tell him you’ve hit the lottery and are now dating someone better looking and way better in bed than he is. Nothing hits below the belt better than hitting below the belt!
Now to sum this up and answer your question as simply as I can: No. You have no right to be angry with him. He’s someone else’s problem now; and you’re exes for a reason. Seriously, after six months it’s about time for you to get over it! Go out. Have a drink. Get a little loose and then check back with me when you’ve opened your eyes. This world is filled with too many hook ups, one-night stands and trial relationships to be stuck harping on the one that got away. Truth be told, it wasn’t your choice or his. It was ordered by a divine power. You ought to get on your knees and thank your lucky stars. For all you know you could still be with your ex, writing me a letter about how much you want out of your relationship for reasons only you and God knows.
So get over it and get laid! Good luck.
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