To you it may seem the worst is the first but to Karma, it’s a thrill; a quench for a thirst. You worry and rant and run and hide, trying to escape the voices inside. It’s not so easy as you will see but lucky for you, you have me.
This week is not destined and there’s much to be told. So sit back and be patient as the scroll unfolds.
When you’ve run out of “woulds,” and “shoulds,” and “coulds…” who’s the first person you think of?
HOTTYWOOD!
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Your next fast food meal will be prepared by a butch transvestite who has a fetish for bacon and possums. _________________________________________________________
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Anyone who tells you, “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” deserves a dummy smack on the forehead with a rubberband.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Just because someone talks too much about a fictional character on a first date doesn’t mean they’re not marriage material.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
You will be attacked by a pansexual hermaphrodite who has a fetish for public bathrooms and makes spit bubbles when he speaks.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
This is not your week for socializing. A full moon causes you to be about as much fun as a negative pregnancy test. _________________________________________________________
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Compliment someone on their left boob and give it a pet name.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
One of your ideas will be challenged by someone who spends a considerable amount of time having hairs removed from their toe knuckles.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
Your name is another word for an uncircumcised European.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Beware of anyone who wears heavy makeup and has the dual personality of Ronald McDonald and The Joker.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
There is nothing more entertaining than watching a bipolar goldfish.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
The love of your next life will live out of the trunk of their car.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
A homeless man will make a deal with you; break it; and then steal from you.
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Quote of the week: “If anyone ever told you that you weren’t normal, hopefully they were right. Normal isn’t exactly interesting, is it?”
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