Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of May 1-7, 2011

This week will be a joy ride and there’s much to be told.  So sit back and be patient as the scroll unfolds. 

When you’ve run out of “woulds,” and “shoulds,” and “coulds…” who’s the first person you think of?   

HOTTYWOOD!

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

_________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Watching episodes of ‘90210’ doesn’t give you street cred.   _________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

It’s not wise to wear a suit made of metal on a day that it rains. 

_________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

A donkey’s lips do not fit onto a horse’s mouth. 

_________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19

It’s better to be a ‘used to be’ than a ‘wanna be’ because most ‘wanna bes’ quickly become ‘has beens.’ 

_________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

The holes in your socks have a bigger reputation than you do. _________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

No chicken has any business hanging out with a bunch of turkeys. 

_________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

You have a lot to learn about eating spaghetti with your fingers. 

_________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22

Stooping low is the best way to spy.

_________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Breaking wind is natural.  It’s called “butt-belching.”

_________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22

A social event that involves an intellectual discussion about foot sweat concealed in a ziploc bag will occur. 

_________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Today you are feeling especially sensual and passionate.  Go to the grocery store and squeeze some melons.  All eyes and handcuffs will be on you.   

_________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Everyone tells you that you must learn to laugh at yourself, which means there can’t be any harm in laughing at other people. 

_________________________________________________________

Quote of the week:  “Change is good.  Changing your socks is necessary.”

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