Mother’s Day is over and your pockets are flat. Monday has arrived and now you’ve got to get through that. Who knows what the hell you may be walking into; but when times get too rough ask yourself, “What would Hottywood do?”
This week is not destined and there’s much to be told. So sit back and be patient as the scroll unfolds.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Prepare to get into a physical altercation as someone will mistake you for a son of a monkey’s uncle. _________________________________________________________
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Appreciate today because tomorrow may be no different than being stuck in an elevator with a bunch of people you owe money to.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
It’s really hard to put yourself out there and not make an ass out of yourself.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
At the end of the day it’s going to be a bad thing that’ll make you feel good, but not necessarily for the wrong reasons.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
The only secret you can be trusted with is your age. _________________________________________________________
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Somewhere in the world, there is a greeting card for having a mole removed from your back.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
It’s really hard to throw a bucket of hot water on nosy neighbors from the top floor when you live on the bottom.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
If you’ve ever thought about tossing a Mr. Potato Head doll in a skillet with some onions and hot grease, then you are someone who is not to be !#%ed with.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Beware of anyone who wears a hair net on their beard. Especially if it’s a lady.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
When a lady stays too long at the fair, a gentleman loses interest.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
There’s nothing more annoying than the probationary period of a new relationship.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
When you think about it, “One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure,” is kind of gross.
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Quote of the week: “You can’t come out clean if you don’t get a little dirty first.”
