Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of May 29-June 4, 2011

Who knows what the week has in store for you. Maybe a big fat pay day or a big ass boo-boo. One thing is for sure that I know without a doubt. Half the thrill of the battle is waiting to see how things turn out.

This week is not destined and there’s much to be told.  So sit back and be patient as the scroll unfolds. 

When you’ve run out of “woulds,” and “shoulds,” and “coulds…” who’s the first person you think of?   

HOTTYWOOD!

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

_________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Give yourself the option of not making losing an option.   _________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

The soul of a boy trapped in the body of a man is a double bladed sword. 

_________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Falling on your ass makes you appreciate standing on your feet. 

_________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19

By a gerbil.  Name it Bitch.  That way you’ll have a legitimate reason for telling people you have to go home to feed your bitch.   

_________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Winning is everything when you have everything to lose. _________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

It’s not good if you have enough hair on your knees to grate cheese.   

_________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Only a true friend would advise a pal against getting corn-rows when he has a bald spot in the crown of his head. 

_________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22

Consider it bad luck to mistake a pooper scooper for your hair brush.

_________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Answer all phone calls using sign language.

_________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22

All the things you are unclear about will be just as confusing at the end of the day. 

_________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Do not plan on getting hit by a moving bus without giving your job two weeks notice, first. 

_________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Your chance of dying on your way to get a lottery ticket is greater than your chances of winning.   

_________________________________________________________

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