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My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. Ever since the breakup I’ve been a mess. I haven’t been eating. All I want to do is sleep and I keep wondering what I did to make things go so wrong. But my biggest problem is that I feel so bad for sleeping with him after the breakup. Was I wrong for that? Does that make me a ho? Does it make me look pressed?
Dear Lonely Heart,
It isn’t up to me to justify or categorize the reasons for your actions. You did what you did and now you need to accept it, deal with it and figure out where to go from there. I’ll be honest with you, though, and tell you that I understand your reasons for giving up the cupcakes. Based on what you’ve mentioned (your lack of nourishment, excessive sleep and constant self blame for the failure of your relationship), you shared pillows with him to feel something other than bad. You probably felt empty inside and just wanted to feel something, anything again. Him, specifically.
Do I think that makes you a ho? Or pressed? No. I don’t. I think that makes you human. But don’t get that confused with being stupid. Sleeping with ol’ boy isn’t going to bring him back to you and it’s probably not going to do anything but get your panties in a bunch, and not in a good way.
Whatever feelings you felt after sleeping with him were more than likely temporary. You didn’t do anything but solve an immediate problem for yourself (if not creating more) and stroked his ego (among other things). Now your emotions are sizzling with the luke warm facade of what was and what will never be again. For now, I’m going to hand you a get-out-of-jail-free card for thinking with your ta-tas instead of your brain. Breakups will do that to a person. Here is what you need to ask yourself, “How long am I going to think or worry about someone who isn’t thinking or worrying about me?” Stop focusing on what was. Stop crying about what isn’t. And for peek sake, go somewhere and eat! There are too many chicken wings in this world for you not to eat… Wait. Let me take that last statement back. If you don’t eat any chicken wings that leaves more for me.
The bottom line is it’s time for you to pick up the pieces and move on. Life is filled with love and loss and people gain from their trouncing. What are you gaining by barricading yourself inside closed doors while you wait for your ex to ring your phone for a booty call? Don’t remain his bed buddy if you’re not good enough to be anything else to him. You find someone else whom you will be more worth to or find that place within you that appreciates your own self-worth. What anyone else thinks doesn’t matter. At least it shouldn’t. In any case, don’t let anyone take away what you think about yourself. No one should have that kind of power over you, no matter how great of a person they are or how good the sex is, because for every one person that’s good, there are about ten other people that’s better. And if you keep on crying and starving yourself, it’s going to make it that much harder to move on with someone new because you’ll look too gaunt to make an attractive impression.
Take these words to heart. It takes a couple of seconds to say, “Hello” and seemingly forever to say, “Goodbye.” Forever is a long ass time.
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