Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of June 5-11, 2011

It wouldn’t be right if everything was right.  So if everything is right, something’s wrong.  Live in the now but be ready for next; for you have entered tomorrow just now.

This week is not destined and there’s much to be told.  So sit back and be patient as the scroll unfolds. 

When you’ve run out of “woulds,” and “shoulds,” and “coulds…” who’s the first person you think of?   

HOTTYWOOD!

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

_________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

If you lie three times on Thursday, you will be dipped in hamburger meat, handcuffed to a postman and serve as a canine diversion on his mail run.   _________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Even when game has pulled the wool over your eyes and everything is as dark as it seems, there is always a bright side. 

_________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Chewing potato chips while talking to someone on the phone causes cancer. 

_________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19

Someone is really into you and plays the game of cat and mouse very well.  Intriguingly enough for the chase but not so for the catch.   

_________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Man can not survive off the fat of the land alone. _________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Don’t open every door that knocks because you never know who is standing on the other side.   

_________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Waiting for someone to throw the first punch may be morally correct but it’s realistically stupid…and potentially painful. 

_________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22

Free yourself from stress by being an asshole to someone else.

_________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

There’s more to life than having everything.

_________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22

You can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy. 

_________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.  That’ll teach you to keep your mouth shut. 

_________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You can resist everything but temptations.   

_________________________________________________________

Quote of the week:  “Always give 100% at work:

  • Monday – 13%
  • Tuesday – 22%
  • Wednesday – 26%
  • Thursday – 35%
  • Friday – 4%” 

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