Welcome to another edition of you know what. Some things may look bad but there’s always a “but.” A bright side at the end of a tunnel so dark. The only way to see it through is to be ready from start.
When you’ve run up against odds you can’t face yourself, in a breath; in a psalm, Hottywood Helps!
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
It’s bad luck to bathe in the sink of any Golden Corale bathroom. _________________________________________________________
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Beware of anyone who goes to the salon to get their unibrow curled.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
All of your white socks will look brown in the wrong light.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Everyone will know when you’re lying because your voice will be strangely out of sync with your lips.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
The roots of your hair will itch like it’s being attacked with a bag of paperclips. _________________________________________________________
Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Your perceptions of man should not be based on your own faulty shortcomings.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Two wrongs don’t make a right, but what good is a right if it’s done for the wrong reason?
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
Silent farts aren’t really silent. They come out at a frequency only dogs can hear.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
There’s no need to wonder if what you say is dumb. Everything you say will sound as if you’re speaking with a mouthful of caramel. Everything sounds dumb.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
Every time you tap a key on a keyboard, a gypsy lightening bug is kidnapped and sold on the black market.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Only a wise man would put popcorn in his pancakes to make them flip by themselves.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Anyone who blows you a kiss really doesn’t want to touch your lips.
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Quote of the week: “Be lazy in everything except for loving, drinking and being lazy.”
