Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of June 12-18, 2011

Welcome to another edition of you know what.  Some things may look bad but there’s always a “but.”  A bright side at the end of a tunnel so dark.  The only way to see it through is to be ready from start.

When you’ve run up against odds you can’t face yourself, in a breath; in a psalm, Hottywood Helps!

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

It’s bad luck to bathe in the sink of any Golden Corale bathroom.   _________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Beware of anyone who goes to the salon to get their unibrow curled. 

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

All of your white socks will look brown in the wrong light. 

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

Everyone will know when you’re lying because your voice will be strangely out of sync with your lips.   

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

The roots of your hair will itch like it’s being attacked with a bag of paperclips. _________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Your perceptions of man should not be based on your own faulty shortcomings.   

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but what good is a right if it’s done for the wrong reason? 

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

Silent farts aren’t really silent.  They come out at a frequency only dogs can hear.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

There’s no need to wonder if what you say is dumb.  Everything you say will sound as if you’re speaking with a mouthful of caramel.  Everything sounds dumb.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Every time you tap a key on a keyboard, a gypsy lightening bug is kidnapped and sold on the black market. 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Only a wise man would put popcorn in his pancakes to make them flip by themselves. 

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Anyone who blows you a kiss really doesn’t want to touch your lips.   

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Quote of the week:  “Be lazy in everything except for loving, drinking and being lazy.” 

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