CLICK HERE to leave a question for Hottywood.
While trying to be a good friend to another, I made a big mistake. I thought I saw my BFF’s boyfriend hooking up with another girl. This weekend my BFF invited me to a cookout over her boyfriend’s house. Naturally I felt like she had a right to know what her BF was doing, so I told her about the girl I saw him with. She was mad! When we got to the cookout, she approached him about it and a big argument erupted. Fastforward. The other girl came out of the house. That’s when things got really bad. To make a long story short, it turns out the girl was his cousin. She flew into town with her parents to attend a wedding. They all hadn’t seen each other in about eight years, so he took the cousin out on the town. That’s obviously when I saw them together. (Oops! My bad.)
My BFF looked so embarrassed and I felt horrible for telling her what I saw. Her boyfriend, on the other hand was mad because he felt like she didn’t trust him. He told her that he ought to take her phone and go through it to see if she was messing with anyone, so she could see how it feels not to be trusted. And that’s exactly what he did. He snatched her phone right out her hand and started going through it in front of everyone. And guess what, he found some text messages from another guy! If you think the first argument was bad, you should’ve seen him go off!!!
Needless to say they broke up, and neither of them is speaking to me anymore. What can I do to make up with them? I feel terrible!
Where the hell were the cameras?! That sounds like a cookout not to be missed. I have to be honest and tell you that it’s not going to be easy getting back into their good graces, for a number of reasons. And though I’m sure you don’t want to hear those reasons, in my personal opinion it’s necessary for you to hear them so you don’t ever make this mistake again.
- Although you may have had your BFF’s best interest at heart, you should’ve had your facts straight before you opened your mouth to tell her what you saw. There’s a funny saying my grandmother used to tell me when I was growing up: “Believe nothing and only half of what you see.” By spreading rumors (because that’s all you did really, started a rumor), you made yourself out to be a big fat liar; a gossip. Put yourself in their shoes. If the tables were turned, you wouldn’t speak to your ass either.
- You didn’t mind your own business. Friend or not, your BFF’s intimate relationship(s) should not include you, if but for no other reason than the fact that no relationship should be influenced by an outside source or a third party. Relationships are complicated enough, so when a third party enters the building it shifts the balance of the relationship itself. This was probably your biggest mistake. By nature you chose a side – your BFF’s. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that would piss off her boyfriend. No matter how you look at the situation, you were destined to screw someone over. Unfortunately things backfired and the tables turned on your BFF, which in effect means you screwed her over instead. Your intentions looked malicious and now you and everyone involved look like fools.
- You didn’t think out the consequences of your actions. If you would’ve considered the consequences, you could’ve easily avoided your first and second mistakes.
Someone probably really wants to kick your ass right about now, so what you need to do is steer clear of their path for a while (Isaiah 26:20).
A) You are the enemy. You broke up a relationship on the grounds of your unproven theory that someone was cheating; not knowing the person cheating was your BFF. [Side bar: Would you have told her boyfriend that your BFF was cheating on him if you’d have known?].
B) They need time to figure out how to deal with everything: A gossiping friend/frenemy/associate/the devil; the discomfort of a broken relationship; trust issues; embarrassment; and the willpower to [again] keep from whooping your ass for running your mouth.
C) You need a timeout to reflect on the consequences of not minding your own business and allowing someone else to make their own mistakes.
If or when your friends decide to forgive you is beyond anyone’s vision. They both have reason to be mad. Only time will tell how this game will play itself out. Perhaps a bag of muffins and a gift card to McDonald’s to your peeps wouldn’t hurt, but if I were you, I’d deliver the peace offerings via pigeon messenger just to be on the safe side.
In the future, if you consider minding someone else’s business, if thinking back to this little incident doesn’t deter your decision, I want you to think of this little knock-knock joke:
- “Knock, Knock!
- Who’s there?
- Scott who?
- Scott nothing to do with you!”
Either way, everything happens for a reason, so you’ll be okay tomorrow and tomorrow is only a day away.
REFERENCES: Psalm 30:5; Psalm 103:9; Psalm 126:5