This week is not destined and there’s much to be told. So sit back and be patient as the scroll unfolds.
When you’ve run out of “woulds,” and “shoulds,” and “coulds…” who’s the first person you think of?
HOTTYWOOD!
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
50% of your bad attitude stems from finding inadequate parking at the grocery store. 47% is constipation and 3% is because your underwear are too tight. _________________________________________________________
Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
You are secretly being stalked by a clown college valedictorian who was released from prison two weeks ago.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Somewhere in the world, a Mexican Texas mocking bird loses its voice every eight bars of a fat lady’s song each time you tell a lie to someone you don’t know.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
People might think you’re weird if the seat of your pants crunches like a bag of Doritos every time you walk.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
No matter how many times you do laundry, deodorant will cling to the outer-stitch underarm pits of all your black t-shirts.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Your pinky toenail will snag on every pair of socks you own – even the ones that have holes in them.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
Your feet will sweat as if you’ve stepped into a puddle of pothole water.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
Everything you say will sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
In every battle, there is a hero on both sides.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
You will have a major case of déjà vu. You will have a major case of déjà vu.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Any door a key won’t open, a crow bar and a wad of gum will.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Your blessing is your curse.
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Quote of the week: “While some people will not admit their age, others won’t act it.”
