It’s never easy to accept that you have flaws, despite the flaws anyone may point out. Luckily for you Hottywood Helps! This little quiz will help you to realize that your ass is not as perfect as you think. Be warned that the truth hurts. But in the end, hurt never felt so good; although in this case it might.
When do you feel your best?
- When you find yourself hooked up to an IV full of coffee.
- When you’re too drunk to know where the hell you are.
- When you’re nipples are hardest.
- When you’ve waken up in a strange bed after a drunken romp with a horny one-eyed stud muffin from a Kansas trailer park.
- When someone boosts your ego.
- Never. You’re the complete opposite of “life of the party.”
When talking to people do you
- Stare at boobs?
- Avoid eye contact?
- Blink excessively?
- Let your underarms do all the talking?
- None of the above. You never speak to anyone because people say you sound as if you have a moutful of caramel.
When you go to a party or social gathering, do you
- Sneak in the back door wearing criss-cross jeans and Shaq-brand tennis shoes from Payless or someplace even more cheap?
- Make a loud and obnoxious entrance so everyone will have a legitimate reason to avoid you all night?
- Announce the pee stain on your pants because you couldn’t find the bathroom.
- French kiss all of the other guests after eating a bag of Funyons?
- Fart out of the wrong end when you laugh uncontrollably?
- None of the above. You never get invited to parties.
When you go out to eat in a public restaurant, do you
- Chew with your mouth open because it’s more convenient to stuff more food down your throat while you’re still chewing what’s already in there?
- Belch without saying excuse me (…although there’s nothing wrong with that unless you’re a midget. Then it’s just gross.)?
- Order the most expensive meal on the menu knowing that you’re broke as shit?
- Accidentally forget to wear pants on purpose?
- Steal the utensils from the next table while the occupants are using them?
- None of the above. You’ve been banned from public eating establishments for reasons only known by you and God and your imaginary friends.
When you are bored, do you
- Make prank phone calls to old people and Chinese pet detectives?
- Clean the lint out of your belly button?
- Speak backwards while groping your private parts or the private parts of the person to whom you are speaking?
- Try to whistle at a frequency only dogs can hear (mother-in-laws and supervisors not included)?
- Make plans with more than one person knowing damn well you don’t have enough gas in your car to make it pass the hooker on the corner at the top of the hill?
- None of the above. With the all the voices in your head, you never get bored.