This week is not destined and there’s much to be told. So sit back and be patient as the scroll unfolds.
When you’ve run out of “woulds,” and “shoulds,” and “coulds…” who’s the first person you think of?
HOTTYWOOD!
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Avoid making big commitments to little people who wear white socks and sandals and carry two last names. They aren’t to be trusted.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
This week you will suffer the fate of itching in places you can not reach to scratch.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
You can be as full of yourself as you want to be, but to everyone else you will still be full of %@#!
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
If you think someone is dumber than you thought, next time you should think they’re dumber than you think.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
It’s just as bad to live beneath your privilege as it is to live beyond your means.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Those who live in glass houses should change clothes in the basement.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
The second you hold all the cards your opponent will decide to play chess.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
A strip club will either be the answer to all your problems or the beginning of them.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Don’t let silence be the last thing you say.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
The hard part about doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
Your powers of persuasion works on everyone except bill collectors and goldfish.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
Your best qualities are your ram-like eyebrows, smug expression and ability to do all the wrong stuff without discussing it openly.
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Quote of the week: “Only the IRS has what it takes to take what you’ve got.”
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