Mount Mattress Bedside Tabernacle Sunday Worship Guide

Sunday, July 17, 2011

12:07 pm 

El gran libro de los tacos gratis por un dólar noventa y cinco

Page 129, 1st Verse:  Satan gave me a taco. 

   
Call to Worship, Invocation…………………… Pastor Shugart Do Right Puss Bump
   
Processional……………………………………… Give It To Me Right Senior Choir & 6” High Heel Chorus
   
Selection………………………………………….. Give It To Me Right Senior Choir
   
Scripture Reading……………………………… Heratio Fellatio Jenkins, Jr.

Book of Dru Hill 1:16 ~ Somebody’s Sleeping in My Bed (KJV)

   
Prayer……………………………………………… Sister Nita Mindyo Bidness
   
Welcome………………………………………….. Elder Eunice “Granny Cakes” Wilya PooPoo
   
Church Announcements………………………. Gabby Gossip, Church Clerk
   
Selections………………………………………… 6” High Heel Chorus featuring The Heaven’s Gates Pitbull Band
   
Tithes and Offering…………………………….. Brother Day Day and the Get Back Crew
   
Offertory Prayer/Response………………….. Deacon Pimp Gigolo
   
Meditational Solo……………………………….. LaQuisha ShaQuan Odell Muhfukin Palmer

“There’s a Place in Hell Even for Me” 

 

Gospel Message……………………………….. Pastor Shugart Do Right Puss Bump
   
2nd Offering for the Feed the First Family So They Never Have to Spend Their Own Money in the Grocery Store Fund……………………… Pastor’s Aide Ministry,   Brother Carl BeatUDown, President
   
Invitation to Discipleship…………………….. Pastor Shugart Do Right Puss Bump and the Minister’s Mistresses of Mount Mattress Bedside Tabernacle
   
Benediction……………………………………… Pastor Shugart Do Right Puss Bump

 *Chicken wings and french fries served in the lower auditorium for a small fee of a $6.95 free-will offering (plus tax). Jumbo iced-tea lemonade mix not included.* 

↓ 

**CHURCH ANNOUNCEMENTS** 

Special Notice: Free Will Offering

There will be a $5.00 minimum cover charge for all meals served under the Free Will Offering Meals on Wheels program to get new spinners for Mother May’s 10 speed bike and training wheels.  All meals will still be served at the corner of 5th and Stank, between the Laundromat and Sam’s Carwash. 

-Mother Beatrice My Man’s a Ho Mays, MMBT Meals on Wheels, Chairperson

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 Mass Choir Rehearsal

Thursday, July 28, 2011

All choirs are asked to meet at Roscoe’s Poles and Holes next Thursday instead of the church sanctuary.  The church is being evaluated for new disco balls and therefore must be vacant during evaluation consultation.  Members are asked to brush their teeth before showing up for rehearsal because the facility is kind of small. 

-Briefcase Daddy O., Minister of Music

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Ice Cream Social

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Youth Department, aka, Young Hoodlums in Training, will hold an ice cream social for all persons who are not as big as cows and do not have an intolerance for dairy products.  Be advised that those who violate the stipulations of the invite will burn in hell.

-MMBT Youth Department

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Special Prayer Request

Please remember in prayer all persons who get caught stealing credit cards and use them to illegally sell gasoline to bystanders at the gas station in return for dollars to later hit up the liquor store for fabricated communion indulgence.  There has been a string of occurrences near the pump station over by Roscoe’s Poles and Holes.  

_____________________________________________________________ 

Bout Damn Time Health Ministry

The ministry of fat asses will meet next Tuesday at 7pm.  Please enter through the double doors at the side street entrance. 

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 **Let us all remember that a church that prays together stays together.**

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