Irene has caused quite a bit of trouble which warrants some humor and on the double. Lucky for you, it’s what I do best or my name isn’t Hottywood Helps!
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Minding someone else’s business only brings attention to your own.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
The electric company will decide when it’s time for you to sit in a dark room and think about the bullsh!t you’ve gotten yourself into.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Nobody likes a know-it-all. Today you need to step aside and let someone else do what you do better.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
The only thing worse than being lied to is getting your private parts stuck in the zipper of your pants.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
The answer to a burning question that’s been on your mind all week long can be found at the bottom of a bag of corn chips.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Not forgetting is what makes forgiving harder than it sounds.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
If you’re feeling a bit blue, it’s probably because you’ve been spending too much time being green over something someone else has.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
Everyone thinks you’re angry today because of the way your eyebrows are connecting in the middle.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Those bells you hear ringing in your head isn’t a bright idea. They’re police sirens.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
Someone who knows the least about you will have the most to say.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
In a moment you will see what a snob a clod can be.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
There is nothing amusing about the closing of an amusement park.
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Quote of the week: “Don’t abuse the privilege of your entitlement of being stupid every now and then.”