Are You a Tithing Member of Holy Hood Church of Mount Mattress Bedside Tabernacle? Rate Yourself.

It doesn’t take much to become a member of Holy Hood Church of Mount Mattress Bedside Tabernacle.  With a little laziness, scandal and some effort in being trifling, you too can have courtside seats at the devil’s arena.  Just be sure to pack a water bottle because things tend to get hot! 

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You’ve shown up for church hung over from the night before.  20 points 

You’ve brought your own communion wine to church.  60 points 

You’ve hooked up with another church member during service.  60 points  If that church member was the pastor, a deacon or deaconess, add 40 points. 

You use curse words in your prayers.  10 points 

You are a choir director but can not sing and only listen to hardcore rap.        10 points 

Your church bylaws come from a Hollywood gossip magazine or some variation of a national inquirer.  40 points 

You’ve re-enacted the Lord’s supper or the Last supper at a McDonald’s food chain.  30 points 

You’ve shown up for church without wearing any underwear.  10 points 

You’ve shown up for church wearing someone else’s underwear.  20 points 

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Holy Hood Church of Mount Mattress Bedside Tabernacle  Membership Rating  

0 – 60              You are almost but not quite a serious sinner. 

61 – 100          You either need Jesus or a psychiatrist.

101 – 160        You need to be hosed down with holy water. 

161 – 300        Pack your bags for a permanent vacation to hell!   

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 **Let us all remember that a church that prays together stays together.**

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