You haven’t lived unless you’ve experienced a good date. And on the flip side, you haven’t lived if you haven’t experienced a bad one. Either way, it’s quite simple to tell the difference between the two. Usually, within the first 30 minutes of a date, you can tell which direction it’s headed in. Often times, if the date is bad, there aren’t too many chances to get out of it, other than the usual lame “emergency” excuses; the fake phone calls; the picking of the nose; the farting during the appetizer course. The list can go on. However long the list, it’s all been said and done.
Unless you’re just one bold muthaeffer that flat out doesn’t give a sh*t, there is something you can do to free yourself from the torture of a bad date that’s a little less conspicuous than the above mentioned. “What’s that?” you may ask. MUSIC! Just like music is healing for the soul, it’s also healing from a whack ass date. You just have to choose the right song. Now, music isn’t just for getting out of a date. It sets the tone for whatever it is you have in mind. …freaks.
Read along, learn something, and try it on your next date. Just be sure to get in touch with Hottywood when it’s over and let me know how it turned out. Not only am I that interested, I’m also just that nosey!
Music is for the mind; the body; the soul; and the emergency escape!
GOOD DATE MUSIC
The table is set. The candles are burning. The bed is covered in rose petals and latex. Now all you need is some good music! Check out the list below to light a fire under your mate’s bum.
Brown Skin by India Irie ~ Though India’s music is much about empowerment, she also gives you an equal dose of romance. This song speaks of the goodness of rubbing up against sweet dark skin and the taste of chocolate kisses. Her voice is sultry and alluring and will surely get two horny toads in the mood to ribbit on a lily pad!
I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry ~ Because seriously, what heterosexual man (or lesbian, for that matter) hasn’t dreamed of getting laid by two chicks?
Like a Virgin by Madonna ~ First of all, Madonna has got to be the queen of eroticism and there’s no better song to get a fella’s attention than the hankering of a girl who’s yearning to be touched for the very first time…again.
Storm [Forecast] by Jamie Foxx ~ If you’ve ever visited the hood, then you know what it means to make it rain! Jamie does an amazing job of using analogies to describe the sensations of human ecstasy. I believe he emphasizes the phrase, “Let me feel the raindrops fallin’ down all over my love; I want it soaking wet all over the bed…” I have just two words for that – “High Five!”
BAD DATE MUSIC
The conversation is lacking. The dinner is awful. And the bed is as cold as a smurf’s village during Smurfette’s time of the month. Seeing as how most people aren’t lucky enough to be equipped with a portable ejection seat, here’s a perfect opportunity to use music as a fireman’s pole to make that quick get-away!
I Hate You So Much Right Now by Kelis ~ Honestly, the title speaks for itself.
Trading Places by Usher ~ Although Usher sings the sh*t out of this song, and the beat makes you want to handle your business on a stripper pole, nothing turns a woman off more than a man telling her that he wants to be the bitch while she hits it from the back.
Get Out of My Life by Aaron Neville ~ Seriously, any song by Aaron Neville is enough to kill a mood, but can you be any more direct than telling a mofo to get out of your life??? Also, Aaron uses the term, “honey child” in these lyrics. Call me crazy, but it’s not attractive for any man to say, “honey child.” Sounds like someone just lost some major cool points!
Bitch Please by Lil Wayne ~ This song is just frikkin’ scary and sends all the right messages to all the wrong dates! The song says things like, “stop lying, bitch,” “look into my eyes ho,” “my goons got guns on deck.” If a person is still in the mood after hearing this, then your next date night should be at the local loony bin.
Now these are just the top eight songs that popped into my head off the break for a successful date or a successful escape. I’m sure there are dozens more. In fact, dozens isn’t even a fraction of the amount of songs that enhance or dethrone a mood. It’s all a matter of careful pickings by the inspiration of the person who’s making you wet or causing you to dry up. Whatever the case, finding the right song isn’t hard. But in case you think it is, always remember that 90% of any effort is getting started.
Quote of the week: “Where words fail, music speaks.”