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My girlfriend and I recently went to a party. At some point of the festivities, she excused herself to go outside to smoke a cigarette. Ironically at the same time, some dude went outside to smoke a cigarette, too. I noticed the two had been missing for a while so I went out to see if she was all right. What I found was him smoking a cigarette but she wasn’t. As the night went on she told me that the guy inquired about our relationship status. After confirming to him that she and I were kicking it, he still proceeded to pursue her, obviously until I came along and cock-blocked. She said she rejected his advances, but I can’t help but to feel a little uneasy about her decision to remain with him as he finished “smoking his cigarette.”
I have no reason to distrust her but I do have a sinking gut feeling that there’s more to the story than she admitted. I don’t know if I should make a big deal out of it or keep my feelings to myself and hope if in the event there is another situation like this that she will handle it differently. What should I do?
I have to admit that the situation does sound a little suspect but in my honest opinion you didn’t catch her doing anything wrong. I agree with you wholeheartedly that she should have handled things differently. Continuing to entertain the guy while he made advances towards her only provoked his ill intentions and in the end landed her in a situation where her trust should be questioned. However, since you pulled her coat tails with clean hands, you have nothing to go on. If she did try to pull some funny stuff, trust me when I tell you if she did it once she’ll do it again. You’ll get your chance to catch her in some sh!t when the time is right. Until then this is nothing more than a big ole fat case of your word against her’s.
At this point you have one of two choices to make: (1) tell her how her actions, or non actions, made you feel, take her word to heart and then leave it alone; or (2) tell her how her actions, or non actions, made you feel and then kicks rocks based on the fact that you can’t trust her ass. Trust is 60% of an intimate relationship. Then there’s 30% for sex and finally 10% for some other ole bullsh!t. You do the math. At any rate, far be it from me to tell you what to do with your courtship. That’s a decision you have to make for yourself. This girl is someone you will be spending a considerable amount of time with should you decide to move forward with her. If you don’t trust her it ain’t gonna work, simple as that. So number, one you need to talk to her and be honest. When you throw a rock into the sea and the ripples have finally calmed, the waters are forever changed because the rock still remains. Number two, you need to be honest with yourself, and I say that for a reason.
It sounds to me as if it’s not a question of whether or not you trust her. That’s subtly very clear. Your reservations seem to be a little more deep than that. The real question is why? Is it because it’s too early in the game for you to invest so much trust? Or too early for you to tell how much nonsense you’re willing to put up with? Or because you aren’t sure if you want to play the game with her at all? Whatever the case, given the story that you’ve shared with me, she isn’t guilty of committing any punishable crime, which begs the question of if your reservations are based on something more than a bad choice she made at a party.
Either way I would tell her to check her baggage at the door so she makes sure it never happens again. Not with you and not with the man that comes after you, because no matter how you spin it, even if what happened at that party was a simple act of bad judgment on her part, the sh!t still wasn’t cute; and anything that’s not cute is not a good look.