This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

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Dear Hottywood,  

I recently made the brilliant move of taking my girlfriend to a party hosted by my ex-girlfriend. At the party, I found out that my ex-girlfriend is a lesbian. I discovered this after being warned that she exchanged phone numbers with my current girlfriend. I don’t know if I should be mad or turned on. How would you feel if you were me?  

Porno3D

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Dear Porno3D, 

If it were me, my ass would be scared. While the thought of two women vying for your “attention” may sound good, you have to take into account what would happen if the ladies compared notes about you. You drew your own first strike when you put your current girl in the same setting as your ex. AND on your ex-girl’s home field? I don’t think you thought this plan all the way through. However I am able to reach down deep inside and understand a reason for wanting to show your past what your future brought, but if you look at it in the present and future tense, the initial thought is like fashion; in one season and out the next. You could have saved yourself some heartache by not walking into this line of fire [Negative + Positive = Negative aka Ex + Current = Trouble]. Albeit it, her knocking knockers with another knocker-holder is a knock on the noggin that you couldn’t possibly have seen coming. First tip – don’t sweat it. It could happen to anyone. 

The spin on the record is that it seems like there’s firm ground to believe your girl swings both ways. Let’s be honest here. Everyone knows this is going to be the first thing any guy thinks about, obviously. If she’s into you and she’s into her, you put your left foot in and take your right foot out, you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around… Welp, that’s what it’s all about. If you’re lucky. Every song doesn’t end on the same note. 

There’s a 30/70 chance that these two gals are going to invite you into some kind of romantic tryst. You can be ready for it but I wouldn’t necessarily advise you to expect it because no matter what, you’re not going to get around them comparing notes about you. Also, if they exchanged numbers behind your back, there’s an even stronger chance that they are going to do something without you, even if that something is intended strictly in a platonic kind of way. If you want to dig deeper beneath the surface, then you should understand that your girlfriend is keeping secrets from you. If you didn’t know she’s a lesbian (although you might want to confirm that notion by hearing it straight from the horse’s mouth before spraying it on the side of a bus), what else don’t you know? What else isn’t she telling you? Where does her feelings for other women (if applicable) leave you and your relationship? 

There’s a lot of questions you can ask if you want to stick this fight out, but believe me you aren’t going to come out without scars. Your ego is already bruised. You need to treat this like any regular relationship if you really value anything with your current girl. You gotta ask her the straight up questions and get the straight up answers. No pun intended. Don’t be a fool though.  If this chick’s sexuality is in question, then the bigger question is if this is something you are able, willing and ready to deal with. “Yes,” or “no,” and there’s your answer. 

Hottywood

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