Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of August 28-September 3, 2011

Irene has caused quite a bit of trouble which warrants some humor and on the double. Lucky for you, it’s what I do best or my name isn’t Hottywood Helps!

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Minding someone else’s business only brings attention to your own.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

The electric company will decide when it’s time for you to sit in a dark room and think about the bullsh!t you’ve gotten yourself into.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Nobody likes a know-it-all. Today you need to step aside and let someone else do what you do better.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

The only thing worse than being lied to is getting your private parts stuck in the zipper of your pants.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

The answer to a burning question that’s been on your mind all week long can be found at the bottom of a bag of corn chips.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Not forgetting is what makes forgiving harder than it sounds.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

If you’re feeling a bit blue, it’s probably because you’ve been spending too much time being green over something someone else has.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

Everyone thinks you’re angry today because of the way your eyebrows are connecting in the middle.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Those bells you hear ringing in your head isn’t a bright idea. They’re police sirens.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Someone who knows the least about you will have the most to say.

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

In a moment you will see what a snob a clod can be.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

There is nothing amusing about the closing of an amusement park.

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Quote of the week:  “Don’t abuse the privilege of your entitlement of being stupid every now and then.”

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