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I’ve been seeing this girl for the last few weeks and we’ve gone out on a couple of dates but lately she’s been canceling on me (“cancel” sounds so much better than standing me up, which is actually what she’s been doing). I like her a lot but she’s not giving me many chances to explore more deeply how I [could] feel about her. Her reasons for not following through with our plans usually have something to do with her job or the fact that she’s just tired. I don’t know if I should be patient and hold out for her or just take it as a personal message that she doesn’t want to be bothered. What should I do?
Dear ‘Fess Up,
Ordinarily I’d tell you to say “F*ck it” and move on. And though that’s probably what the bottom line of my answer is, chances are her work schedule may very well be the reason why she isn’t staying committed to your dates. Having said that, this brings about a few questions only you can answer: Is that good enough for you? Can you deal with someone who makes you feel like a lesser priority? Don’t you think you want and deserve a little better than that? I’m not telling you that you should give her an ultimatum of choosing between her job and you. Usually when you give anyone an ultimatum you don’t get the answer you’re looking for. But sooner or later your ass will get tired of coming in second place because you were somewhere sitting on the side line waiting for the prize to come to you.
On the other hand, she could just as well be using her job an excuse to avoid seeing you, which of course would inevitably lead your thoughts in another direction. She could be seeing someone else. You may not be her type. She may not want to date anyone right now and simply don’t want to hurt your feelings – aka, leading you on. Whatever the reason, whether it’s her job or some bullsh*t excuse to cover up the truth, she obviously isn’t communicating with you, which in itself is going to become a problem if the key in your relationship finally does start the ignition.
One thing about women though, they usually know what they want when it comes down to relationships in general. If you’ve been dealing with this chick for a number of weeks and you’ve still not been upgraded, that’s a red flag no green, brown, blue, or black eyes can avoid seeing. On another note, she seems to be doing fairly well at keeping you dangling on strings like a puppet, and that my friend is not a good look for anyone whose name is not Pinocchio.
If all that I’ve said thus far is nothing more to you than a bunch of paragraphs filled with blah blah, then pay close attention to the first sentence of my response because the truth of the matter is you can’t miss what you don’t have.
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