Here we are to you know when and what happens now is better than what happened then. Although sh*t will happen much if it could, it’ll all be all right with some insight from Hottywood.
Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Covering one lie with another is like covering bad meat with gravy.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
Every Pizza Hut across the country will have a shortage of dough, limiting your menu choices to a cup of cheese & an IOU.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
You’ve had a rough night if the reflection in your mirror looks like Flavor Flav.
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Out of seven billion people on the planet, no one has any business chasing after the one who doesn’t want to be caught.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
An obese midget named Bertha is going to flirt with you right after her jazzercize class while still wearing a thong leotard.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
The common denominator of five failed relationships is you.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
The reason why people keep asking you where you’re going is because they know the places you’ve been.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
People who speak out of their ass talk a lot of sh*t.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
Slapping a McDonald’s cashier is unethical and probably illegal, but arguably therapeutic.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
Finding the love of your life is easier than you think if you show a little chest hair and butt fat.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
You feel slow and sleepy today, and that could mean that you’re finding it harder than usual to pay attention. In other words today is no different than any other day.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
When speaking to people today, let your eyes do the talking. Yellow teeth is a conversation distraction.
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Quote of the week: “If you think too much about the past, you’ll never be able to look to the future.”
