Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, in addition to the itch on the bottom of his foot.
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Capricorn
December 22 – January 19
Grape soda is not considered a sexy body fragrance. It should be, but sadly it’s not.
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Aquarius
January 20 – February 18
You are multi-talented enough to talk and piss people off at the same time.
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Pisces
February 19 – March 20
Are you good looking from afar or far from good looking?
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Aries
March 21 – April 19
Your handle on life is like the handle of a cheap handbag.
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Taurus
April 20 – May 20
You don’t lack in the power of speech. You lack in the power of conversation.
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Gemini
May 21 – June 20
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way. Wisdom is looking in both directions anyway.
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Cancer
June 21 – July 22
If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.
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Leo
July 23 – August 22
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.
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Virgo
August 23 – September 22
You won’t find a man alive who has ever complained about a faulty parachute.
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Libra
September 23 – October 22
There are three people that live in this world: People who make things happen, people who watch things happen and people who ask what happened.
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Scorpio
October 23 – November 21
“Always” and “never” are two words you should always remember never to use.
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Sagittarius
November 22 – December 21
A sharp tongue can kill without a knife.
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Quote of the week: “It takes one day to destroy that which took one hundred years to build.”
