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For the past two weeks, I’ve been having a telephone relationship with a guy that I used to date some odd years ago. He told me that he’s been thinking about me lately and wanted to fire up that old spark. Over the course of time, we’ve not seen each other face to face and our telephone calls are scheduled to twice a day (8am and 5pm). I’ve made suggestions for us to get together, but he seems to be full of excuses of why that’s not happened yet. Is this even worth my time?
Dear Stopped Watch,
I don’t want to tell you that maintaining this kind of relationship is not worth your time. There’s no telling how love will find you, although most of the people that I know who limit their relationships to [only] a telephone are inmates at a state penitentiary.
On the real, you need to nip this problem in the bud. You have allowed this mystery man to set the standard for your personal association. By condoning his absent behavior you’ve inadvertently agreed that you are happy with the direction your love life is taking in regards to and with him. To make matters worse, you’ve put yourself on reserve. You have given him the authority to decide when the right time to be bothered with you will be. If he has that much control over you with only the use of only a telephone – landline or cell – imagine the grips of his confine when you two actually meet in person. That’s a recipe for disaster waiting to burn. I don’t believe you’re just that lonely and have nothing but time to sit around and wait for someone to think about being interested in you. If your securities were that low you wouldn’t have bothered writing for any advice.
One important thing you should remember is “people make time for the things they want.” If you’ve made suggestions to take your relationship to the next level, with no successful end results, you are left to assume that this guy is either not as serious as he’s leading you to believe, has something to hide, or has a hideous infectious zit somewhere very noticeable on his face. If waiting for him to decide when he wants to see you isn’t enough to turn you off, that zit will surely be a Debbie Downer.
If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about putting a time check on this relationship. Long distance relationships, especially when local, eventually grow tiresome, and the novelty of sugar-coated words quickly wears off. The hardest part of the process is getting reacquainted with yourself once the void of his voice has been lost somewhere in Whateverville.
If you can’t wait for the phone calls to wean off, then stop making yourself available for him. Tell him you are worth more than $.10 per minute, followed by where he can stick those dimes. Just note if you choose to end the charade instead of letting it dissipate on its own, he will most likely toss the blame at you like a chicken wing at a junior high school cafeteria food fight, which isn’t all bad. Everything that involves chicken wings end on a high note.