It’s been an interesting year and finally we’ve come to the moment where we single out a day of Thanksgiving. Personally I believe we should stand on a kitchen table every day and announce what it is we’re thankful for, but someone deemed it necessary to single one day out of three hundred and sixty five days to give thanks, so I guess I can oblige. Why the hell not? I’m good at following rules just as well as I am at breaking them. With that said, let me tell you what Hottywood is thankful for.
I’m thankful I wasn’t born in the era of pilgrims and Indians. I wouldn’t have survived. I just can’t see me chasing live chickens and turkeys and wearing those funny hats and pointy shoes. I probably would have popularized “man”orexia and nudism and been made an example out of by being burned alive at the stake along side a woman with a funny name accused of being a witch.
I’m thankful for the police officer that let me go with a warning. I’m also thankful for the swat team that didn’t catch me when I ran from their asses.
The last place I want to spend any Thanksgiving is in a jail house with a bunch of men who are hungry for anything more than bread and water.
I’m thankful for all my whiny, needy coworkers. Without them, I wouldn’t appreciate the time I spend away from all of my loud, obnoxious neighbors. Especially the ones that think the scent of marijuana is as lovely as the fragrance of bacon. You know what neighbors I’m talking about because everyone has them in their neighborhood. It’s the family that plays their music louder than a Bon Jovi concert and pays $20 for rent.
I’m thankful that Lindsay Lohan finally went to jail, even if but for a short period of time. Someone needed to make an example out of her ass.
I’ll be even more thankful when she stops getting botox injections in her lips and gets her career back on track.
I’m thankful for family and friends. Even the ones that talks sh*t behind my back and only calls me when they need something. They help me to realize that I’m still relevant while they are not worth a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.
And finally I’m thankful for you because you laugh at all my dumb jokes when no one else will.
May your turkey not be as dry as your sex life! *** Gobble! Gobble!