This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood,

I’ve been trying to get the guy that lives across the courtyard to come over so we can bump uglies.  But every time I tell him what I want to do to him with my tongue, he gives me the cold brush.  What am I doing wrong?   

~Elleesha 

Dear Elleesha, 

I’m almost sorry you asked me this question because the only nice thing I can think of to tell you is that you’re coming off too strong.  If the dude isn’t trying to hit it then you probably went a little too far when you told him what you wanted to do to him with your tongue.  

Though everyone wants to take a rumble in the sack every now and again, when you go too far into detail about your skankiness or inhibition, it’s easy to wonder who else you’re relinquishing your virtue to.  You’ve painted a bad picture of yourself.  You’ve given the conclusion of the book before he could get through the foreword and introduction.  You’ve given him nothing to look forward to.  He doesn’t have to chase you because you’ve already offered yourself up.  You’ve taken the fun out of the romp.  You have objectified him the same way most women complain about men objectifying them.  It’s too late to tell you to change your approach because you’ve already subconsciously made him question your self respect and self worth.  I’m surprised you can still walk because you shot your own self in the foot.  What you need to do is let the dust settle where it may.  If the dude is turning down the yum yum, he’s either married, gay, or just not interested in you

If you’re still not sure about what it is you’re doing wrong, go back and re-read the second sentence of your inquiry and then give yourself three reasons why you believe he [or anyone else] should take you seriously.  

I’m going to pray for you because it sounds like the only man you need right now is Jesus!   Good luck with that. 

Hottywood

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