This Week on, “Ask Hottywood!”

Dear Hottywood,

I figured only you would appreciate my horrendous Valentine’s Day experience.  After rekindling communication with a past love, I decided to spend Valentine’s Day with her.  She invited me over to her place for a romantic dinner, good conversation, and what I hoped would be an overall great evening, even more so if we just happened to trip up and fall in between the sheets.  When I arrived to her house, she didn’t tell me that her father would be home spending Valentine’s Day with his two online hookups.  We all shared a horribly dry baked chicken, undercooked string beans and unsweetened lemonade.  Since that unforgettable evening, she keeps calling and texting to invite me to spend more time with her.  Is this something I should even consider? 

~Worst Valentine’s Day in 29 Years

Dear Worst Valentine’s Day in 29 Years,

I don’t know if I’m more sorry to hear that you hated your day of love or that I wasn’t there to laugh at the sh*t myself.  It sounds like it was pretty rough.  …funny but rough nonetheless.

Let the truth be told that you have no reason or need to feel compelled to do anything that your heart is obviously set against.  However despite the facts that whomever cooked the dinner is a lousy cook, the gigolo father cocked blocked what the chick shouldn’t have been trying to give up on the first date [anyway], and that she didn’t warn you that your date would be chaperoned, you probably wouldn’t have been doing anything else anyway except sitting at home getting fat off beer and cold pizza (Dominoes never delivers within 30 minutes or less) while dialing every number in your little black book in hopes that someone would be just as bored and lonely as you could have been had this girl not invited you over for dinner with her, her dad and his hooker hookups.

Instead of looking at the glass as half empty, look at it from a different perspective.  You weren’t by yourself, you weren’t bored (you couldn’t have been with all of the shenanigans that took place around you) and you didn’t have to spend any money (with the exception of the unused condoms you probably bought thinking you were going to get laid).

If you saw no sparks with this girl, or didn’t enjoy her company (or the company of her dad and his dates), or liked her cooking, or were simply disappointed that you couldn’t split her cheeks, then you don’t have to give her any more of your time than you are willing to give, although there’s no reason why you can’t maintain the re-established friendship.  Fate brought her back into your life for a reason.  Before you can figure out what that reason is you have to determine what your intentions are for her.  If you just want a hookup, obviously she’s not the one because that ain’t gonna happen, especially with her old man in the next room getting tag teamed by two broads he met off the internet.

In a short answer to your question, I don’t see why you can’t consider investing a little time in a new old friendship.  Everyone needs friends.  If you don’t want anything more from her other than the transparency of a good lay or don’t see anything evolving based on your Valentine’s Day episode, then just be honest with her and tell her what you do and don’t want, can and can’t handle or can and can’t offer.  Otherwise do what any respectable coward would do and block all her calls forever and hope you never run into her at the grocery store, because if you do you’re going to look more like a ham than any meat in the meat aisle.


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