Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of February 26-March 3, 2012

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Today you will be easily distracted by leprechauns and man-boobs…or…leprechauns with man-boobs. 

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

McDonald’s is a test of your will to live.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Anyone that can successfully bake red kool-aid should automatically be crowned royalty of the hood. 

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

The guy smiling at you from the other side of the subway car isn’t flirting.  He’s releasing silent farts.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

It is important to know the rules in order to know when to break them. Equally so, it is important to break some rules in order to know why they are important.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

The day after today is the day food handlers across the nation have synchronized their calendars to not wash their hands after using the bathroom.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

Choosing between the lesser of two evils is pointless when your ass is burning in hell.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

You’ve not lived until you’ve eaten a pack of skittles from a puppy dish.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

If you believe in hell,  live your life so that you won’t go there.

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

Someone that doesn’t know anything is waiting for an opportunity to tell you, “You don’t know everything.”

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Allowing crazy people to make you as crazy as their crazy asses is crazy all by itself.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You must be better than you thought before you can be better than anyone else.

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Quote of the week:    “Experience is the name everyone gives their mistakes.”

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One thought on “Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of February 26-March 3, 2012

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