I recently made a reconnection with a former BFF. Four years ago we lost contact based on her lousy communication skills. To sum up our relationship, she was a super nice person that turned out to be a user, a liar and someone that only shared half of any story, although she was admittedly the funniest person I’ve ever met. We’ve been chatting via email for the past week now and I’m beginning to see that much like the past, she’s slowing down on the communication trail and leaving gaps in her stories. I’m not sure if I want to relive the stress of losing [what I thought was] a best friend. Should I fight for this rekindled friendship or let the chips fall where they may?
Dear Golden Girl,
It sounds to me as if this person isn’t much of a friend at all, much less a best friend. A best friend wouldn’t lie to you or use you. Right now the only person doing any lying is you, and you’re only lying to yourself. If you think things are the same as they were four years ago, they probably are. If there’s anything the voices in my head have taught me, it’s that people change; bullshit doesn’t. Eventually your feet will get tired from walking the same fine line. Unless this friend is the only friend you’ve ever had or will ever expect to have, don’t waste your time begging her to befriend you. What are you, 11?
Many things change in a four year span. Many people come and many people go. The last thing you need to do to yourself is relive troubles once lived in a yesteryear. Don’t look at this friendship for what it could have been or what you’d like it to be, especially when what you need to see is written on a wall. If this person doesn’t value your friendship then let it be what it is. Based on your description of this lying user that only shares half of a story, you’re better off leaving her ass on the other side of the computer screen, anyway.
The bottom line is there’s no point in you lowering your standards to meet those of a person that hasn’t grown to where you are. When it comes to friends it’s always best to remember that friendship, like money, is easier made than kept.