Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of May 27-June 2, 2012

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

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Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

It’s more frustrating to lose your keys than it is to lose your mind because most people that lose their mind don’t know it’s gone.

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Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

A stupid smart person will accidentally ruin one of your dumb plans on purpose.

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Pisces

February 19 – March 20

There are a handful of actual rocket scientists in the world. You are not one of them.

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Aries

March 21 – April 19

The next time someone starts a sentence with, “The least you can do,” in an effort to reprimand you, stop them in their tracks and remind them that the least you can do is nothing.

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Taurus

April 20 – May 20

Taking a course that teaches you how to skip work/school/church sounds like an easy “A” except for the “F” you get just for showing up.

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Gemini

May 21 – June 20

Spandex is the devil for anyone that can’t say “No” to potato chip-filled cupcakes.

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Cancer

June 21 – July 22

If a bald headed street cleaner accidentally throws you into a giant trash dumpster, that should tell you something.

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Leo

July 23 – August 22

In the last hour of your work day, all the hair around your private parts will either turn gray or fall out.

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Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Why wait until tomorrow to do what you ought to be doing today when you have all next week to avoid it?

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Libra

September 23 – October 22

There is always at least one goat mixed in with every herd of sheep. 

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Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You won’t be able to resist the temptation of blurting out “Ghostbusters!” when a police sergeant asks you, “Who you gonna call?” after you’ve been booked for drunk driving.

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Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You can’t be better than everybody if you’re just like everybody else.

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Quote of the week:    “Every cow needs his tail more than once.”

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2 thoughts on “Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of May 27-June 2, 2012

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