Hottywood’s HORRORscopes: Week of June 10-16, 2012

Below are Hottywood’s cookie fortunes as revealed by the moon and the sun, and the itch on the bottom of his foot. 

_________________________________________________________

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

When someone stops telling you, “You are too smart for your own good,” they are being nice enough not to call you flat out stupid.

 _________________________________________________________

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

“Playing someone at their own game,” is French for “stooping to their level.”

_________________________________________________________

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

If you knew what you were doing you wouldn’t have done what you just did.

_________________________________________________________

Aries

March 21 – April 19

Look at it this way: It’s not as simple as people say it is to get over yourself when your head is so high in the clouds.

_________________________________________________________

Taurus

April 20 – May 20

“All that’s done in the dark will soon come to light,” doesn’t apply to a blind man.

_________________________________________________________

Gemini

May 21 – June 20

If Americans are claimed to be one of the most obese people in the world, reducing cake consumption is technically un-American, right?

_________________________________________________________

Cancer

June 21 – July 22

A fool by definition is anyone that mistakes an enima bottle for an economy sized bottle of eye drops.

_________________________________________________________

Leo

July 23 – August 22

Shoes are overcoats for socks with holes in them, but you won’t notice until one falls and the other drops.

_________________________________________________________

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Road rage is codename for driving with passion. 

_________________________________________________________

Libra

September 23 – October 22

Bait you a hook for a fish you can fry.

_________________________________________________________

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Anyone that says they wouldn’t do it to you if you were the last person on Earth is technically correct, because if you were the last person on Earth you’d be alone.

_________________________________________________________

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

A double fudge chocolate chip bacon ranch cheeseburger could either change your life or end it.

_________________________________________________________

Quote of the week:    “It’s not normal for your eyebrows to feel bloated.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s